Popular?

Middle school me would have had a hard time believing that one day I'd be one of the popular kids. However, here I am, and I'm part of that elite group in my new ward. Crazy!

I didn't really do anything special to be in the popular group. I just fit the mold: I'm young, I'm educated, I enjoy and have time to read books. I'm even a little bit sporty (ok, ok, all it is is that I run, and that's a newer thing. I'm going to write an update on that soon). Oh yeah. I also have young kids, just like all the other "popular" moms.

I actually feel kind of ridiculous talking about how popular I am.

Anyway, I'm one of those people. They are all nice, kind, and accepting people, but they are the "popular" group and many people in the ward have a hard time feeling like they fit in. Now that I'm in this situation, what am I to do about it?

First things first, let's start with what I have done. I've tried sitting with people in my ward who are not part of the popular group. I really enjoy their company, and they have so many unique talents and experiences. I'm actively trying to get to know everyone in my ward, not just the "popular" ones.

However, this isn't enough. The other "popular" people aren't following my lead. It's kind of funny, because a lot of them are shy or not very outgoing. I think they don't even realize that they're popular! For the situation to change, however, the other "popular" people need to get involved.

One of the things that made it hard for me to fit in when I was younger was that I unwittingly excluded myself from other people and their activities. We didn't share interests, so I thought that they weren't interested in doing things with me. What I didn't understand was that in order to be friends with someone different from you, sometimes you have to put some of your favorite interests on the back burner in order to foster your new friendship.

It's difficult for me to think of activities or conversation starters that don't involve children, books, or a limited amount of exercise. However, the fact of the matter is that there are millions upon millions of people in this world who don't have any interest in even one of those things. If I want to have a well-rounded worldview and include people from many walks of life in my circle of friends--regardless of where I know them from--then I need to learn to branch out, get out of my comfort zone, and take interest in their favorite interests.

Let's not be like Glinda :)

A fun day with Levi

Today Levi and I spent the better part of the afternoon and all of the evening until bedtime doing stuff together. We had a lot of fun!

A little after noon we went to the grocery store. Levi rode in the cart and gave commentary on the things in the store. He also held (at various times) the celery, the mushrooms, canned beans, and sesame oil. The sesame oil was especially fun because he pretended to pour it into the cans. He overheard a lady saying that she needed to get eggs, and he said, "Momma! We need to get eggs!" Coincidentally, we did need eggs :). The store--which doesn't play music--was graced by his enthusiastic singing. He even got a sticker! We also saw some friends from church. Levi noticed them first, and it was really fun for him to see another kid that he knew at the store.

Cecil slept the whole time (whew!)

After we came home and were putting away the groceries, Levi noticed the blender in one of the cabinets. He got really excited about it and got it out--he never really seemed that excited about it before--and put it on the counter. He asked me to make something in it, so after I finished feeding Cecil (who had woken up and was hungry), I tried out a new hummus recipe that Becky posted on Facebook, and I like it better than the kind I had made before. Levi really liked it, too! He was very interested in the process of making it, as he always is when I cook or otherwise prepare food.

After that, Cecil needed my attention. I try to keep his bouncer close by so he can watch what we're doing and not be bored, so he was close by. He was hungry and tired, so after I fed him and got him to go to sleep, Levi "played on my legs" as he calls it. Basically I gave him leg-horsey rides. I laid on my back with my legs up and bent, he sat on my feet, and I bounced him up and down or back and forth. This game evolved into a tickling game. We had a lot of fun!

When I got tired, I suggested we play Uno, and Levi enthusiastically agreed. The particular flavor of Uno that we played went like this: the cards were dealt, then we took turns matching the color. When we both ran out of the color, we picked the next color at will and continued until neither of us had any cards left. Levi really liked the wild cards and would hold them up, look at them while saying, "I like....green!" and then play a green card. He didn't play the wild; he was saving it for the next color change. At the end of one game he had two wild cards next to him. It was very cute.

Every time we finished a game, Levi said, "Let's play again!" We played at least 15 games.

I dealt for the first 10 or so games, then one time Levi grabbed the cards before I could and--also enthusiastically--dealt out the cards, more or less evenly. Every time we finished a game after that, Levi dealt the cards. Finally I was ready for a change of pace and I told him that the next game was the last one. Levi's really good about believing me when I say things like that, so after we finished that one, he didn't deal out cards for another game.

As soon as we finished Uno, Levi said, "Let's play my game!" which meant putting together the 100-piece floor puzzle that Nathan got him for Christmas. Cecil was ready for undivided attention again, though, so we had a short break while I fed him. Levi got out the puzzle and spread it out on the floor while he was waiting. Finally, I was ready. This was probably the third or fourth time Levi had worked on the puzzle (with help, of course),  and he participated much more this time than in the past! He did really well matching up pieces together, and put some together all by himself! Most of them, I'd tell him where to put them and then he'd put the piece where it went. I noticed that he no longer tries to match up pieces that obviously won't fit together (like two ins), but makes sure he aligns the new piece so that it might fit. He still doesn't really get that the picture is supposed to continue from piece to piece, but that'll come later. Levi ended up putting in most of the pieces. One piece was missing, but we found it near where he was spreading them on the floor and put it in at the end.

After all that, I still had energy to do more stuff with him, so I got out a can of pumpkin puree that I'd been meaning to use, and we made some pumpkin muffins. He licked the spoon and the bowl after we put the batter in the oven, at his own request. It went something like this:

Me: We're going to put the batter in this muffin tin.
Levi: And then, I can lick it!
Me (smiling to myself at his enthusiasm): Yes, you can!

Levi really enjoyed putting the ingredients in the bowl after I measured them out. He also liked "cutting" the batter--basically moving the mixing spoon up and down in the batter. We had the muffins with some leftover frosting, and they were SO GOOD. I like food. Yum! :)

That was pretty much my day from 12:00 pm 'til 7:30 pm. I'm really enjoying my growing, learning boy!

Positive thoughts on a messy home

The other day as I finally started washing my dirty pots and pans, I thought about how nice it would be if I were better at staying on top of the dishes; it would be so nice if there were one or two--or fewer--dishes in the sink at a time.

Then I thought, "But wait--what am I doing with my time instead?"

Here are some things that I'm doing with my time instead of folding the laundry, washing the dishes, or cleaning the clutter off of the floor:

-take care of my children
-play with my children
-relax and recharge my emotional stamina for my day-to-day responsibilities
-spend time with my husband
-read for pleasure
-read for instruction
-socialize
-family history research
-make food for my family
-practice the piano for my church calling
-write about my experiences and thoughts on my blog

It's a pretty good list, and I'm sure there are more things on there that I didn't think of. I'm not certain how much less time I'd have to spend on those things if I kept my house company-ready at all times, but I know it would be significantly less, especially with the lovable chaotic force of a three-year-old in my home. Also, isn't it more efficient to get everything done at once?

Don't get me wrong--if the house is too bad, then it has an effect on me. Because of that, I'm kind of a minimalist when it comes to having "things." That way, there aren't as many things in my house to mess it up and there aren't as many things to clean up when that time comes.

Anyway, I think it's overall better to have a little bit of clutter, clothes in the dryer for days at a time, and partially unpacked boxes sitting around than to feel guilty about doing things that enrich your life.

So this weekend--don't clean your house! Go have an adventure instead. Give yourself one more hour of me- or family-time and take care of the cleaning later.

Good people here

Levi and I went outside to play this afternoon. When we got outside, we saw there was a group of mothers and toddlers already outside--what a treat! Levi and I approached them. Levi had no fear, but as we neared the group, I had a sudden apprehension that the women in the group secretly didn't want me there and didn't enjoy my company. I've had this fear ever since middle school--or even before that. I'm not sure; it's just that every time I approached people I didn't know very well, I would assume they were innocent of enjoying my company until proven guilty. I've been working on this somewhat illogical fear for years, with only very little progress.

Today when the thought came to me, I immediately told myself, "No, self, these are very nice people, and they like having you around. You know that! Now go talk to them!" So I did. And they enjoyed my company! Although I felt like a very different kind of person than these women were, I did fit in. They did enjoy having me around.

I think all too many of us (but thankfully not all of us) in the human family have an inferiority complex: we feel that we don't fit in, so we reluctant to let others who are different from us befriend us. Let's remember that those who seem more "with it" than us may be more open than we think!

Utah's a good place!

Ever since moving to Utah with Austin almost 3 years ago, I've continually learned more and more about Utah and its people. I moved here with plenty of negative stereotypes to go off of, and not really any positive ones. I got over those negative stereotypes very quickly, however. Most of them just aren't true! Sure, there are people in UT that fit the negative stereotypes, but not nearly enough to stereotype the Utahn people with!

Some of the negative stereotypes that I heard about Utah/Utahns include:
-Hypocritical people
-Meat market type singles situation
-Arid climate
-Large bushes were called trees

The biggest stereotype was that the people in Utah are hypocritical. Yeah, sure, there are hypocritical people in Utah, but no more (in my experience) than you'd find outside of Utah. Maybe some people come with higher expectations than they should, and when Utah isn't at the verge of being translated they get disappointed. I haven't been in the singles scene, so I can't say anything about that. The climate IS arid, and I get dry skin MUCH more often here. True stereotype. Large bushes being called trees? Probably, but it isn't really a big deal. A lot of Westerners think we're silly for calling the Appalachian mountains mountains, so I guess we're even there!

That being said, there are many things I love about Utah/Utahns:

-Gardens EVERYWHERE

+ Really, really. In prosperous areas and in less prosperous areas. I've seen them in small yards and big yards; in the city and out of it. In my experience, the gardeners were more than happy to share their produce with people unable to garden for whatever reason. To me, this is really cool.

-Really nice people

+ Of course not everyone can be nice, but so many people are willing to help others out, even when they don't know each other very well. See the produce sharing example above. I know a family that keeps a pickup truck at least in part to help other people move. One woman from my ward lent me some baby clothes right after Levi was born. I could go on, but I don't want to bore you too much. 

-Everyone is involved in their community.

+ Ok, not everyone, but many, many more people than in other parts of the country. More people volunteer, so much so that other places have asked government officials in Utah how they get their people to do it! More people vote. More people are involved in their school districts.

-I don't feel like I've left people out when I talk about things that are related to the LDS faith.

+ Even if not everyone believes in the LDS faith, everyone (or nearly everyone) is familiar with things like Visiting Teaching. It's nice to be able to be open about my religion without worrying that others will think I'm weird, brain-washed, or just dumb for believing as I do.

-It's beautiful.

+I don't think I could ever let go of my attachment to the exuberant vegetation of the Southeast, but the mountains do have a rugged beauty. They are awe-inspiring and very beautiful, and there are many mountain trails close by where you can enjoy the beauty close-up.

-People have skills for self-reliance: some sew, some preserve food by canning, most (women) know how to cook delicious food from scratch, many know how to fix things around the house or yard, and many garden.

+ Sometimes this can be intimidating. However, there are plenty people willing to teach you how to do things or who will just let you benefit from their wonderful talents.

-I can WALK to church! (it's less than one block away!)

-CONSTANT miracles. It seems too personal to elaborate on this, but if you want examples, PM me.


So, there are a lot of great things about Utah. Yeah, there are some negative things, too, but no more than any other place. With all these wonderful things about Utah, you may ask why I'd want to live anywhere else? Family is the main reason, but of course all different places have their good points, and most have just as many as Utah does.

Not Your Regular Friendship

So, today is the birthday of one of my friends from high school. I haven't really stayed in touch with him (except through Facebook), so I don't really know much about what his life is like now, but he was a really great friend then. He was my friend when I didn't know how to make friends. It meant a lot to me that he was my friend.

We were kind of unusual friends. I was shy, a model student, and strictly kept away from all drugs, including alcohol and tobacco. He was outgoing, an average-to-poor student, and was a regular smoker and drinker, and (I think) had tried illegal drugs a few times.

But those things, thankfully, did not define our friendship. We both got to school about half an hour early, so we'd hang out before school started. Mostly we just talked; sometimes we walked around the halls as we talked, too. He was fun to hang out with, and had a great sense of humor. He thought I was cute, and tried to stop smoking so I'd think he was more attractive. It was difficult because all of his family members also smoked, and I probably told him that I wasn't going to date him even if he stopped smoking. I liked him just fine as a friend who smoked. At that time, the term "friend zoned" wasn't in use. I liked him, but only as a friend.

One time I was working on my calculus homework when my friend got to school. He looked at all the summation symbols and integral signs and said (humorously) that it looked like satanic symbols. The summation sign ( Ʃ ) does look pretty creepy, doesn't it? Anyway, we had a good laugh over that one.

Another time when we were walking through the halls, one of my teachers saw us and gave us a funny look. I'm guessing that the teacher either had my friend in some of his classes or had heard about my friend from other teachers. It made me laugh to myself at the time, because although my friend might be considered a "bad influence," he wasn't a bad influence. He respected what I believed and cared about and didn't try to persuade me to compromise those things.

I keep hearing how important it is for young people to choose friends who have their same values. Yes, I think that's important, but I think that young people will also benefit from having friends that have different values but respect their beliefs. Let's remember to be kind and to stop stereotypes from defining our friendships with others.

Everyone Needs a Friend

The ward (congregation) that I attend here is HUGE. Every Sunday, the chapel is packed. Since we're so close to BYU, a majority of the members of the ward are BYU students or married to one. That means many of the members are young couples without kids and that the ward is very transient; people move out every semester and more people move in to take their place. It's hard to get to know others, and a lot of the time you don't even know who's new and who has been living in the ward for 4 months because there are just so many new people.

If you have one or more children, you know that kids are a big icebreaker. Other moms are super easy to talk to and relate with. You have funny stories to tell each other, and other moms are interested when you tell them all those awesome things your child is learning that may bore other people (e.g. "My child can grab things now! Look at him grab his pacifier. Isn't he cute?" or "He's going through a growth spurt. It's been hard.")

However, if you don't have kids, it's harder to make friends. And for those people who teach the young children during Sunday school, it's even harder to meet people, much less make friends. So most of the people in my ward have a handicap when it comes to making friends.

I like it when people feel included. I went so long in middle school and even high school feeling that no one cared enough to get to know me that ever since then, I've gone out of my way to include people that have been forgotten. I know what it feels like to not have a friend, and I know that Everyone Needs a Friend.

Because of this, I try to get to know as many people as I can. It's kind of exhausting. I want to get to know so many people (and there are so many people worth knowing in my ward!), but I really don't think I could handle entertaining on a weekly (or more frequent) basis. I don't think Levi would like it much, either. Since there are so many people in the ward, it's kind of impractical to get to know all of them at church. How do I pick which ones to be friends with? Who are the people that need a friend the most?

I've come to the conclusion that unlike other wards or branches that I've served in, there isn't enough of me and people like me (with regards to friend-making) to go around. There are other people like me in the ward who strive to be friendly, and there still aren't enough people making friends. People still feel like they don't belong in the ward, or that nobody cares about them. Thankfully, home and visiting teaching have a strong emphasis in our stake, so most people know at least one other family.

The solution here is not to make the ward less transient or to get rid of the BYU students. The solution here is that everyone should go out of their way to get to know people in their ward (or class, or workplace, or neighborhood, or whatever it may be). That way, more people will have friends. Not as many people will be left out or forgotten. More people will feel loved. More people will be happier.

Go out and make a new friend today--it will change your life and theirs.

Merry Christmas!

I went Christmas shopping yesterday. Everything was going fine until I got to the register to check out. I was at the self-check out area, and it wouldn't take my debit card; I figured that Austin and I must have forgotten to transfer the money from our savings account. I decided to pay by check and verify the amount in the checking account when I got home. The attendant asked for my ID, explaining that they usually don't ask for it, but once in a blue moon, the computer gives them a prompt asking for an ID. I pulled out my driver's license and handed it to her just to realize that my maiden name is still on my driver's license (long story), but my married name is on my checks. So my ID didn't work. I did have $10.00 cash in my purse, so I decided to get the essentials with that and come back later for the rest. I started sorting my things into things I needed to get this trip and things I didn't need to get, not that I had a lot to sort. It couldn't have been meant to be for me to buy these things since nothing was working out.

Then the cashier started moving money around in her cash box and said, "Nevermind! Take all of it." Bewildered, I asked what had happened. She gestured to a rather plain but kind-looking blonde woman that had just completed her purchase at another register. "She paid for you," the cashier said.

I said, "Thank you!" trying to convey the gratitude I felt for her generous act, but I felt that it was an inadequate thanks. I didn't know what more I could say or do to communicate my appreciation for her generous act, and that I appreciated the act more than the money itself or the things that I was able to buy because of it.

The woman looked embarrassed but said, "Merry Christmas!" with a sweet smile, and walked away.

Have a Merry Christmas, everybody! (This is one of very few Christmas pictures that I have)