How to choose a career

I've been thinking lately about how to choose the optimal career (yes, I'd like to go back into the workforce someday). I'd like to live in a specific area of the country and find fulfillment and success in whatever career I choose.

When I was choosing my college major, I only thought about my aptitude and desired income. However, I have come to realize that there is so much more to this. Here are some factors I've considered as I've pondered my options:

1. Location. Some jobs are only found in the city,  others in the country; some are more plentiful in specific parts of the country or world, and others have demand almost universally.

2. Social interaction. Do you enjoy talking to others, or would you be happier being left alone for the majority of the day with periodic interaction with co-workers that you see every day? How comfortable are you with interacting with strangers, and on how personal a level?

3. Future demand. How much demand will there be for your profession in 10 years or more?

4. Current demand. Is the job market saturated with people in the job you're considering, or is there a high demand for it with few suitable candidates?

5. What standard of living are you willing to accept?

6. Is the subject matter you have to learn to work in the profession appealing to you? Is this something you'd like to think about for a large portion of your life?

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Since I'm interested in a smaller city than the one I'm currently in and have considered the town I grew up in, I had to think about which jobs are available there. The town I grew up in is very small (less than 10,000 people). I realized that in order to work there in a profession that would be mentally stimulating and provide the income I wanted, my choices were limited. The professions I came up with were: Something related to the school system, the government, health care, the law, or business ownership. There are almost no mechanical engineering positions there, and almost certainly very few tech positions, which is a profession I think I would be well suited for. So I'll probably have to choose a location that is close to but not in the town I grew up in.

I have to learn more about the opportunities in tech to know which specific position would most appeal to me, but I would love to have something with a reliable amount of social interaction and something with a lot of demand so that I can have a lot of choices as to which company I would work for.

Discussion questions for Kilmeny of the Orchard

So my book club will be discussing Kilmeny of the Orchard at our next meeting. Since I choose the book, I was curious to see what kind of discussion questions were out there for it.

I found none.

So I decided to create some of my own!

Some of the themes, on the surface of the book, are that love conquers all; unyielding pride causes difficulty not just for the prideful one, but also for their loved ones; eugenics; and the beauty of nature and of people with pure hearts.

1. Let's get the ugly one taken care of right now. The book uses an "Italian peasant" as the villain. It really gives no reason for his bad character except his heritage and "otherness." Near the beginning of the book, "good breeding" is referred to several times as an essential trait for a good match. However, in other respects, this book is very progressive for its time. Coeds are discussed in very positive language and are described as just as capable as the men intellectually. This was before WWII and eugenics were very popular. However, according to most eugenicists, people with any major defect were considered unfit, including those who were deaf or "dumb."
What do you think this book shows about the views on eugenics of the time? How does it align with them? How does it refute them?

2. The book goes into great detail about why Eric is such an eligible match: he's educated, handsome, rich, young, well born, popular, and has a promising future ahead of him. However, it seems like Kilmeny's lack of speech is a very real obstacle to their marriage, as many of the characters (David, Eric, Mrs. Williamson, the Gordons, even Kilmeny herself!) point out. Kilmeny has to be essentially perfect in all other ways to make up for it! Today, something as trivial as being mute would hardly stand in the way of two people in love.
Why do you think this was such an issue in this story?
How do you think this book affected the way people thought of eugenics, especially in respect to physically "unfit" people?

3. What of the sin of the parent being brought upon the innocent child? In the book, the consequence is merely fantastical. However, there are real-life applications of this principle.
When have you seen an innocent suffer from the sins of another person, especially a child?
How does knowing that someone's defects may be caused by another person's sins make you act toward them?

4. Nature is heavily featured in the book. Did you relate to the lyrical descriptions of the sunset, the woods, the flowers, or the orchard? Would you like to see the orchard described in the book? Why?

5. How would it make you feel to be loved as wholly as Kilmeny is, to be seen for you are without having to say a word?

6. What would the world be like if you could look into someone's eyes and tell their character, like Eric, David, and Eric's father can when they meet Kilmeny?

7. Given that Neil is unmistakenly the villain, why do you think that Montgomery puts in the tidbit near the end about him selling his own filly to obtain money for his journey?

8. How do you think we should approach books that espouse a different moral system than our own?




Please, if you find a site that includes discussion questions for this book, link to it in the comments! I would love to see what other questions people have to discuss.

"You'll miss this"

I've been thinking about that thing that people always tell young mothers: "When they get older, you'll miss when they were (babies, toddlers, etc)." or, "When they're teenagers, you'll miss this," meaning constant cries for mom, constant touching, questions out the wazoo, or any of the myriad of things little people do that drive us nuts.

I find that kind of unsolicited advice annoying. I think I do a fairly decent job of savoring the cute and fun things my kids do and say now, and I'm pretty sure that they'll like me just as much when they're older (as long as I keep the relationship strong). I love cuddling with my adorable, precious little baby, but when he's an energetic toddler running around on those adorably chubby little legs, a preschooler asking "why this" and "why that" and really thinking about my answers, a grade schooler learning about the world around him and becoming more independent, a teenager trying to figure out who he is in a complex and sometimes baffling world, or even a young adult leaving for college and trying out his wings, making mistakes as he learns how to live without mom and dad, I hope that I appreciate and love him just as much and more than I do now.

I think that we need to plan for the future and remember the past, but the best thing we can do for our kids in this regard is to focus on the present. They will remember that we like them as they are, not as they were or as they will be.

I also contend that this method is best for the parent. This way we are not constantly hoping for something we don't have, which is a surefire way to guarantee that we will be unhappy.

Do you live in a bubble?

What does it mean to you when you say someone lives "in a bubble?" Is it good to live in a bubble? Do children who grow up in a bubble have a better chance at retaining the values taught within the bubble? Or does it have negative connotations for you?

Many people say that Utah Mormons live in a bubble--many of the experiences that other people in the US have are not as prevalent there, and there isn't much racial diversity.

To me, being in a bubble means that you have restricted experiences, whether it's with friends, work, leisure, entertainment, or whatever.

However, I feel that children have a better chance at succeeding in society if they have many experiences while they are still living at home with loving parents. This way, if they run into a challenging experience, they can ask for their parents' help and advice.

"Many experiences" does not necessarily mean being exposed to drugs, illegal activity, or other unsavory things. To me, it means being exposed to many occupations, people from different cultures and nations, different skills, and different places.

In this sense, maybe most children grow up in a bubble, since they don't experience much outside of their own family's culture and are not able to participate in most occupations until graduation from high school and/or college.

However, I believe that children who are able to experience many parts of life before moving away from their parents will be better able to cope with new situations that come up and be better equipped to succeed in relationships, work, and self-care.

Summer work for teenagers

As a teenager, I understood the value of work and getting some working experience before going out into the world on my own. However, when I was finally old enough to have a summer job, I had a lot of difficulty finding one. I applied to many different places, but no one wanted to hire me. Actually, one fast food restaurant did hire me, but after giving me the baptism of fire working the drive thru (where I was terrible, of course), they never put me on the work schedule again.

Ultimately, I had four different summer jobs through six summers while going to school: babysitting, working as a secretary at the computer repair shop my brother worked at, an internship, and as a painter. The work as a painter and as a babysitter was erratic and unreliable. There were only two summers where I had meaningful employment.

I wanted better employment, but I didn't know how to find it. I've talked to a lot of people my age who've had a difficult time finding a job or figuring out what they want to do for a living.

Obviously, I want  my children to have a better experience than I had. I've pondered on what I can do for them to help them get the exposure they need to find a job, get experience working, and to find a job that they'll enjoy. This is with the knowledge that summer jobs for teenagers are limited, it can be discouraging to keep looking and looking without finding something, and parents shouldn't take the responsibility to find a job for their children.

My plan is that my teenagers will be required to spend 20-30 hours/week (or more, if they want) in the summertime working. If they can't find a job, I will help them find a place to volunteer. Right now I assume that it's pretty easy to find volunteer work. They can volunteer at a pet shelter, the hospital, at their school, at a food bank, at the library, or many other places. Not only will volunteer work keep them busy, it will also help them to learn more about the world and society around them. They will also get fulfillment from doing something valuable with their summer hours. However, I will also teach them to self-advocate, so that once they have more skills that they will not settle for volunteer work with no pay but receive some sort of compensation.

I am also hoping to encourage them to shadow people who work in the profession(s) that they are interested in pursuing, and maybe even some that they don't have interest in (yet) to broaden their horizons and help them understand what it may be like to work in that particular profession.

Is there anything that you would add to my plan or concerns that you have about it? Let me know!

Cleaning house

Lately, I've been trying to learn how to make it more natural for me to keep my house clean. I've read a few books. Here are some of the skills that help:

1. De-clutter! This is the most important thing. If you have too much stuff in your home (especially if it's stuff you don't use), then it is incredibly difficult to keep your home/living space clean. Throw away or donate the things that you don't use.

2. Put things away when you're done using them. This seems to be such a given that in one of the books that I read, it wasn't even stated directly! I am struggling as to how do I teach my kids to do this, especially with things like their toys since they often play while I'm busy doing something else. If you have something that's worked for you, please share!

3. Have a place for everything. If you don't know where to put something, it will end up making your living place look bad, because it will end up every which-where: on the floor, the counter, the table, your desk. Find a place for it!

4. Have routines for cleaning the stuff that can't be helped. You know what I mean: dirty counters and floors, bathrooms, etc. I'm not exactly sure how to implement this yet, so I'm not putting the tip in boldface font.

Popular?

Middle school me would have had a hard time believing that one day I'd be one of the popular kids. However, here I am, and I'm part of that elite group in my new ward. Crazy!

I didn't really do anything special to be in the popular group. I just fit the mold: I'm young, I'm educated, I enjoy and have time to read books. I'm even a little bit sporty (ok, ok, all it is is that I run, and that's a newer thing. I'm going to write an update on that soon). Oh yeah. I also have young kids, just like all the other "popular" moms.

I actually feel kind of ridiculous talking about how popular I am.

Anyway, I'm one of those people. They are all nice, kind, and accepting people, but they are the "popular" group and many people in the ward have a hard time feeling like they fit in. Now that I'm in this situation, what am I to do about it?

First things first, let's start with what I have done. I've tried sitting with people in my ward who are not part of the popular group. I really enjoy their company, and they have so many unique talents and experiences. I'm actively trying to get to know everyone in my ward, not just the "popular" ones.

However, this isn't enough. The other "popular" people aren't following my lead. It's kind of funny, because a lot of them are shy or not very outgoing. I think they don't even realize that they're popular! For the situation to change, however, the other "popular" people need to get involved.

One of the things that made it hard for me to fit in when I was younger was that I unwittingly excluded myself from other people and their activities. We didn't share interests, so I thought that they weren't interested in doing things with me. What I didn't understand was that in order to be friends with someone different from you, sometimes you have to put some of your favorite interests on the back burner in order to foster your new friendship.

It's difficult for me to think of activities or conversation starters that don't involve children, books, or a limited amount of exercise. However, the fact of the matter is that there are millions upon millions of people in this world who don't have any interest in even one of those things. If I want to have a well-rounded worldview and include people from many walks of life in my circle of friends--regardless of where I know them from--then I need to learn to branch out, get out of my comfort zone, and take interest in their favorite interests.

Let's not be like Glinda :)

I love the South and I am proud of my Southern heritage. I mean, it's kinda obvious from my last post. I love finding and identifying parts of me that are Southern (don't you think my pinkie toe looks like it comes from Dixie?). On the other hand, there are some parts of Southern culture and the way other people look at it that just baffle me.

Now, there are the obviously unsavory parts of Southern culture, most glaringly the racism and bigotry that has historically been a problem and still persists here. However, here I want to talk about the baffling mystique of the "Southern belle" and why I'm stumped that so many women aspire to fit the mold of the traditional woman of the South.

Now, I get some of it. She has an endearing accent, is laid back, is beautiful and graceful, seems comfortable in any situation, and her manners are polished so much that they shine. All of those seem worthy of aspiration to me.

Now, what's the catch?

The catch, my dears, is how some people buy in to every part of the culture--especially the part where it's okay--and even genteel!--to insult someone if you add, "Bless her/his heart" to the insult or if you can hide the barb some other way in flattering words.

No, no, no! There is no way that insulting another person is either ladylike or gentlemanly. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it! Who cares how cleverly you're able to hide it in that snide compliment? That is not refinement. That's cunning in its most vindictive sense.

Creative Family History

I hear a lot of people talk about how they can't work on family history because everything's already been done.

I find that doubtful.

While I completely understand not knowing how to get started on family history, there is usually something you can do to better understand your family history.

Malachi's promise states that the Lord "will turn the heart of the children to their fathers." It also states that He will "turn the heart of the fathers to the children." I feel that this can mean a great number of things, not just making sure their temple work is done. If your heart has turned to your fathers, these are some things that you may do:

1. Learn their names. 
2. Learn about where they lived and what they did for work.
3. Find out what they looked like
4. Learn about their children, brothers and sisters
5. Help them receive essential saving temple ordinances
6. Make your own life story accessible to future generations. This applies even if you don't have children.

There are several ways you can accomplish these things.

1. Find records that document information about them and their lives
2. Ask family members for pictures
3. Print out pictures that you have and display them in your home, whether in frames or in a photo album (I think a photo book would be a really classy way to do this)
4. Talk to your living "fathers" about their lives and the lives of their family members. I will include questions that may be appropriate to ask them below.
5. Go through old pictures with family members and label them with the correct names.
6. Keep a journal or record your own story by recording it or writing it down - can be in segments or all together.
7. Take and save pictures of yourself at various points in your life.

So, unless you are familiar with your ancestor's names, have gathered all family photos, found all documents about your ancestors before 1850, have all of your parents' and grandparents' stories, labeled all family pictures, and recorded your own personal history, I have good news for you! there are still things you can do to contribute to family history work that are pretty easy to do.

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Prompts suitable for interviewing older generations (and be sure to encourage story telling and tangents as you get this information):

• Describe your mother (father, grandparents)
• What did you admire the most about your mother (father, grandfather, grandmother)?
• What did you dislike the most about your mother (father, grandfather, grandmother)?
•  What was the physical appearance of your mother (father, grandfather, grandmother)? Eye/hair color, tall/short, etc.
• Describe a typical Sunday.
• Describe a typical work day
• Describe a perfect summer day
• Describe a typical school day
• Who was your favorite aunt/uncle? Why?
• Did you hitchhike?
• Describe a trip you went on with family (visiting family, moving, etc)
• How did you meet your spouse?
• Describe your siblings.
• What did your father/mother do for work?
• What was your favorite thing to eat?
• What were your parents' views on faith and worship?
• Why do you belong to your current faith system? Why did you change from your parents' (if the person you're interviewing converted to another faith)?
• Did your family have a garden? What was your favorite thing about it?
• What kinds of things did you do together as a family? Did you play games, talk, cook?
• How did your family dress? What kind of clothes did people wear back then?
• What was your parents' opinion on college? 
• Did you ever meet someone famous or semi-famous?
• What did your family do for Christmas? Easter? 4th of July? Thanksgiving? Other holidays?
• How are you like your mother? your father?
• Was there any special thing that you did just with your father/mother?
• Did you do anything special together as a family?
• How were the children expected to help with the farm and other work?
• What was the chore you liked to do best?
• Were there hired hands on the farm? Sharecroppers?
• Describe the places that you lived and why you moved (if you moved)
• What was your favorite thing to do with each of your siblings?
• What did you do with your pets if you had any?
• Describe what it was like to go to the movies.
• What was your favorite thing to do?
• Did you or your family gather wild food (nuts, berries, grapes)?
• What was your first job?
• List the jobs you've had throughout your life
• Describe your relationships with your various neighbors
• What is your favorite invention from your lifetime?
• What event during your lifetime had the greatest impact on the world/your country? Why?
• Where did you go to school? (grade school, high school, college)
• Did you play sports?
• Who were your closest childhood friends? What did you do together?

Positive thoughts on a messy home

The other day as I finally started washing my dirty pots and pans, I thought about how nice it would be if I were better at staying on top of the dishes; it would be so nice if there were one or two--or fewer--dishes in the sink at a time.

Then I thought, "But wait--what am I doing with my time instead?"

Here are some things that I'm doing with my time instead of folding the laundry, washing the dishes, or cleaning the clutter off of the floor:

-take care of my children
-play with my children
-relax and recharge my emotional stamina for my day-to-day responsibilities
-spend time with my husband
-read for pleasure
-read for instruction
-socialize
-family history research
-make food for my family
-practice the piano for my church calling
-write about my experiences and thoughts on my blog

It's a pretty good list, and I'm sure there are more things on there that I didn't think of. I'm not certain how much less time I'd have to spend on those things if I kept my house company-ready at all times, but I know it would be significantly less, especially with the lovable chaotic force of a three-year-old in my home. Also, isn't it more efficient to get everything done at once?

Don't get me wrong--if the house is too bad, then it has an effect on me. Because of that, I'm kind of a minimalist when it comes to having "things." That way, there aren't as many things in my house to mess it up and there aren't as many things to clean up when that time comes.

Anyway, I think it's overall better to have a little bit of clutter, clothes in the dryer for days at a time, and partially unpacked boxes sitting around than to feel guilty about doing things that enrich your life.

So this weekend--don't clean your house! Go have an adventure instead. Give yourself one more hour of me- or family-time and take care of the cleaning later.

How do I help my children feel equally loved?

One thing that I want to do for my children is give them equal attention and love. I know this will be difficult, especially since I want more than two or three! I also know that I will not succeed 100% of the time, but that it's worth the effort.

This desire means several things need to happen.

This means keeping track of the developmental milestones for ALL of my children - at least to the extent that I did for Levi. This includes blog posts, Facebook posts, and especially pictures.

It also means spending individual time with each of them in addition to the time I'll spend with them together.

This also means getting to know each of them individually so that I will know when they are feeling left out or unloved.

This means making sure they will be comfortable telling me their concerns and their desires. How will I give my kids equal attention and love if I don't know their individual wants and needs?


These are just a few of my thoughts. What are some things that you can think of that are important for giving kids equal attention and love?

Middle child in a large family

It's generally understood that middle children get the short end of the stick when it comes to family life. However, I really enjoyed being a middle child in a large family, and I felt like there were a lot of positives that came from being in that position.

Of course, there were the usual cons to being a middle child. Some specific things that come to mind are--

-Very few baby pictures of me

-Not many people remember things I specifically did when I was little/a baby

-More restrictions based on mistakes my older siblings made (I'm not faulting my older siblings here)

The positives outweigh the cons, though.

-Having sibling friends both older and younger than me

-Middle was the spot for the "cool kids"

-Learning from the successes of my older siblings

-Learning from the mistakes of my older siblings

-Learning through having responsibility for my younger siblings

-Being able to boss around my younger siblings

Morning sickness

So, today is the second day in a ROW that I haven't experienced any morning sickness at ALL! You have no idea how giddy this makes me, so let me tell you a little about when I was pregnant with Levi and compare it to this pregnancy. I also want to be able to remember my first pregnancy, even though it was so rough, so this is also for posterity.

I remember when I started to experience morning sickness the first time being pregnant. I had been playing Portal with Austin, and got nauseous from the movement of the screen. I had played it before without getting nauseous, so I was a little confused. I remained a little bit nauseous that night and then it never truly went away until Levi was born. Thankfully, my nausea was mostly limited to the morning, but it could last into late morning and was very intense. Pretty quickly, I had to start waking Austin up to make me breakfast so I wouldn't have to get out of bed, because moving or walking around before eating made me feel worse, and I was almost sure to throw up. The food that would make my nausea better and not make me throw up changed about once a week, though, so I'd have to wait until I could think of something that didn't make me nauseous just thinking about it before I woke Austin up. Then one day was much worse than the others before it. I had done my normal morning routine and caught a ride to work. About an hour or two into work, I knew I'd be useless for the rest of the day, so I called in those wonderful home teachers of mine. They found someone to drive the 30 minutes to my work and take me home again. (Side note: my visiting teachers would have been just as happy to help, but both of them worked). I am so thankful for home and visiting teachers!

Anyway, I was pretty bad the next day, too. I called in sick again and stayed in bed all day, sleeping most of the time. Even reading a book made me nauseous! I was doing much better on the third day and was able to go into work again.

We didn't have a car, so I caught rides to work and Austin and I took the bus or walked where we needed to go around town. Sometimes the walks were too much for me. Even though just months before I'd been in college regularly walking 0.8 - 1 miles speed walking uphill from the engineering buildings to my math class or Spanish class in 15 minutes or less, at the time I was pregnant I was having problems walking more than a quarter mile at a very slow pace and stopping to rest every little while.

I experienced more car sickness while I was pregnant than I was used to before, as well. It probably didn't help that I was getting a ride and wasn't able to drive myself either. I never threw up while in the car, but there were a few times that I thought I would. Sometimes we'd get to work and I'd go straight to the bathroom. Yes, I threw up at work. The thing that saved me was a bag of peppermints that my sister gave me. When I started feeling nauseous at my desk, I'd suck on a peppermint for a few minutes and then I'd feel better. I was a chain peppermint sucker. Food also helped; hungry pregnant Katie was not a pretty sight.

This lasted pretty much the whole pregnancy. I had a morning routine where I'd throw up, then eat breakfast and finish getting ready because I knew I was going to throw up anyway. I figured that I might as well get it over with before I ate anything. I also couldn't eat cereal made with milk that was more than a few days out of the store, because I almost always lost my breakfast if it was made with milk that was even a little bit old. A week away from the expiration date, and my body couldn't take it.

In the last month or so before Levi was born, I stopped barfing as much, but I still experienced nausea pretty much every day and the thought of eating certain foods still made me feel gross. After he was born, I almost cried because I was so happy about being able to enjoy food again. Anyone that knows me really well knows how important food is to me and how much I love eating good food. While I was pregnant, that whole part of me went missing. It was kind of like being a missionary and not being able to read novels to relax on P-day.


Anyway. Let me tell you about my current pregnancy up to this point. I have always been able to get around and do things. Austin hasn't had to get up to make breakfast for me once. I have always been able to take care of Levi (maybe not as quickly as he'd like, though). I've been really tired, but taking time away from doing other things to sleep is nothing compared to being sick all day every day for months on end. This pregnancy, if I get (*got? hehe :) enough sleep the night or day before, my nausea the next day isn't as bad. And, and, AND I've had TWO DAYS in a ROW without ANY nausea! Hallelujah! Also, I haven't really noticed any car sickness very much more than usual, which is also fantastic.

I know that I'm experiencing much less stress than I did when I was pregnant before, so that's probably a factor. I'm just happy that I'm feeling so much better this time around.


*I said "got" because hopefully my morning sickness is staying in the first trimester!

Goals - what now?

When I was a teenager, I attended Young Womens classes at my church. Those classes are essentially Sunday school classes for young women from age 12-18, often with supplemental activities during the week.

Anyway, sometimes we'd talk about goals: What do you want to be doing in 5 years from now? 10? It was pretty easy to set those goals since I was in high school and planned on going to college. I also wanted to get married and start a family.

By now, I've reached those goals. I graduated from the university I attended with honors and I'm now married to a wonderful man and have an adorable son, with another kiddo on the way. I don't think serving a mission was ever a serious goal for me while I was in high school, but I ended up doing that, too. I'm glad I did.

I've heard that many people arrive at this point and feel at a loss as to how they should continue; they now have everything they wanted out of life--what now?

I don't think I've ever felt that way. I get fulfillment out of learning to be a better wife and mother, to understand and work with my husband better every day. However, those are very indistinct goals, and I feel like it's beneficial to have more than just that kind of goal to work with.

Everyone will have different goals, because everyone is different and has different strengths and desires. However, here are some of my goals:

1. Strengthen neighborhood unity by throwing (simple) neighborhood parties, especially after moving out of Wymount (we already have a lot of neighborhood unity, and extra parties here would probably be overkill, haha)
2. Help kids in single-parent families to have the attention they need (and also to give their parents a break if they need it!) by helping with homework, transportation, or whatever else is needed.
3. Make my home a positive place my children and their friends will love to be--with acceptance, support, and snacks!
4. Get training for a job I'll love (so, probably not engineering) and go back to work after my children are old enough.
5. Meet new people by participating in community activities such as toddler time at the library (I had thought of another way to meet people in the community, but it escapes me right now. Edit: Aha! What about game night at the game store?)

You can see that a lot of these goals are based off of me loving to be around people and meeting new people. An introvert would have different goals that would reflect his or her own strengths. My goals also involve my children and their friends. Someone who doesn't have kids would have the opportunity to focus on something different.

I encourage anyone reading this post to set goals for your life, especially if you've already gotten the "big goals" or if achieving them is out of your control. Make goals both for making the world around you better and that will make yourself better or happier.

People change

I remember the first time I noticed a drastic change in someone. When I knew this person in high school, she was unforgiving and judgmental. She didn't like me for reasons beyond my control. She was manipulative.

When I started to interact with this person on a regular basis several years later, I was struck with the change in her. She was still her, but in a different way. She was more forgiving. She admitted her own faults, and she didn't dislike me. She wasn't as manipulative as she had once been. I could tell that she was happier, and that she liked herself more.

At first, I resisted treating her as a changed person. I still remembered what she had been like in the past, and knew some of what she was capable of. I had formed habits in the way I interacted with her, and I had to remember the changes to treat her as the new her.

I've noticed the same thing with myself. I'm a vastly different person from who I was in high school, even though I'm the same in many ways.

I was shy, awkward, opinionated, stubborn, vulnerable, naive, and many other things when I was in high school. I was a people-pleaser and a rule-follower; I stayed quiet because I was afraid of saying something wrong or making people dislike me.

Now I am outgoing, socially acceptable, more informed, less stubborn, more open to other people's thoughts, experiences, and opinions, and more sure of myself. I still like to make others comfortable, but I'm continuing to learn that you can't make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. I'm different. I'm still me at my core, but I'm different.

Recently I talked to someone who best remembers high school me. She made a reference to my naivete which was no longer accurate. There are still other people that knew me from my high school years* that avoid me because high school me was boring and uninteresting, and don't even give me a chance now.

It's important to give people second chances, the benefit of the doubt, and  remember that they can change. Not everyone goes though such dramatic changes as my friend and I have, but we need to remember that people can and do change.


*There are many people who knew me while I was in high school that have maintained their friendships with me throughout my changes. Only some people have been unwilling to get to know me again. I imagine it's just as hard for them as it was for me to re-acquaint myself with the friend that I talked about at the beginning of this post.

What Is the Power of a Woman?

So lately there's been a lot of replies to the Ordain Women (OW) movement (I didn't even know what it was called until a few days ago, I just knew some women were jealous of men for holding the priesthood.) on my Facebook newsfeed. Interestingly enough, no one on my friends list has seemed to come out in support of it, they've just shared really well-written articles of why we need to calm down and listen to what the Lord has to say through his chosen prophets for us today. And I do admit that I might (probably?) have Facebook friends who support OW and are just too shy or self conscious to say something.

I agree with those well-written arguments. I have no desire for the priesthood. I have a degree in mechanical engineering, I've served a mission, and I'd like to go back into the workforce when my children are old enough, but I'm okay with never becoming a bishop or a high councilman.

I feel that if it was God's will at this time for women/me to hold the priesthood, I would have a desire to hold it, but the thing is that I don't!

I read a quote from someone from OW that said something like, "We hear about all these spiritual experiences our priesthood leaders are receiving as a result of fulfilling their priesthood duties, and we want them, too!"

Initially, it sounds like a legitimate desire, even that the Church is denying women the ability to grow as close to God as the men can become. However, these women are overlooking an important detail: you don't have to hold the priesthood to have powerful spiritual experiences! And when women are striving to do God's will, they always have spiritual experiences.

So on to my point. There are a lot of good arguments. I could give some myself. However, I have yet to read an article on how the role of women in the church is not only equal to that of the men, but just as, if not more, vital for the success of the church.

I read this quote today, and couldn't agree more:

Are we really the first culture in the history of mankind to fail to grasp the glory and seriousness of motherhood? The pagans deified Maternity and turned it into a goddess. We’ve gone the other direction; we treat it like a disease or an obstacle.

-The Matt Walsh Blog (1)             

My mother, bless her heart, has taught me so much. She taught me the value of hard work. She taught me the value of family. She showed me by example that the gospel of Jesus Christ should be my first priority. She taught me honesty and integrity. She might have even gone a little overboard and caused me to rebel a little! The thing is, though, I would be a very different person without the influence of my mother.

My father has also been a wonderful example, but he was gone at work much of the day when I was growing up. I would not be the person I am today without the influence of my father taking responsibility for our family.

It is awe-inspiring to be entrusted with the great work of preparing future generations for their lives and for eternity. It is amazing to think that I have the power to make my home a Christ-centered home. After the General RS meeting nearly 3 weeks ago, I felt inspired and empowered. I feel like I caught a glimpse of the majesty of womanhood. I am looking forward to understanding more and learning more about the dignity and significance of womanhood as I continue to grow in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The priesthood is important. It's essential! But you know how people joke that women could live in a world without men when we no longer need them to have children? Well, the priesthood is something about men that we will always need.

I think the whole point was summed up rather well by Carole M. Stevens, 1st counselor in the General RS presidency, when she said, "We all need each other. Sons of God need daughters of God, and daughters of God need sons of God."



EDIT:: I understand that this might not be representing my ideas correctly. I'd like to clarify: I am saying we need each other, and that having differing roles for men and women help with that. I won't say that women should never have the priesthood; actually, I think it might be kind of neat--but I'm ok with not having it now. Also, I think that motherhood is one thing that can make womanhood great, but it is NOT the only thing that should make being a woman great. If my children grow up to be good people, then I have had a great success, but I won't feel like I've done all I can. Seriously, if motherhood was all Heavenly Father wanted from us, every woman would have the chance to get married to an amazing man AND have children, and there would be no infertility. He hasn't given every woman that opportunity, so obviously we have other things that He wants us to do.

1. http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/

How do you think the power of a woman is manifested? Let me know in the comments!

Feeling Intimidated

So.... I'm feeling a little intimidated by the women in my ward.

They do things like throw elaborate birthday parties for two-year-olds and come up with super awesome costumes for Halloween. A lot of them enjoy exercise and have an exercise plan.

The thing is, is that these are good things. I'm glad these women are so awesome! It's just ... I want to fit in. And I don't know how to throw a toddler's party or come up with a fun and cute Halloween costume, and running makes me want to do pretty much anything else. It's disheartening.

I guess I should just be okay with who I am and remembering my own talents--I'm sure most of them would be intimidated by my degree in engineering and others might be intimidated by my taste for non-fiction books. But the thing is, is that I don't want to be intimidating. I'd like to be respected, that's for sure, but not intimidating.

It's kind of ironic that this post comes right after the post where I commend so many of the people of Utah for their amazing skills and attitudes. I'm sure I'll figure things out eventually--the women here are genuinely nice, even if I don't necessarily feel like I fit in with all of them.