God's Love

I was 12 when I first felt and understood--at least to some degree--God's love for me.

It started at least a year (or more) earlier, when my sister Becky and I started sharing a room. Becky had the habit of studying scriptures and praying before going to sleep each night. I admired her (still do!) and thought I should try it out, too.

So each night before cuddling up under the covers with my stuffed dog Cookie and turning off the light, I would read from the Book of Mormon and pray to Heavenly Father. I didn't really have much of a purpose besides doing what I'd been told was right. I wasn't searching for the truth or looking for a manifestation of the reality of God. This was just me "doing my duty," as I saw it.

After several months of this, nothing had changed. Finally, one day as I was saying my prayers (not necessarily praying), I suddenly was overwhelmed by a feeling of immense, unconditional, loving LOVE! I had not asked for it; I was not looking for love or really much of anything from my Heavenly Father, but there it was.

Since then, my knowledge of and faith in God and His son Jesus Christ has grown and matured. I have felt God's love many times since then. I feel that every good, happy thing in my life is made better and happier through my connection with Him. It's definitely a relationship worth developing, and I am so glad that I know Him.

Spending time with three of my fantabulous sisters!
I'm on the far right. I was about 11 or 12 when this picture was taken.

Future plans for being the coolest mom EVER!

Levi is right at the cusp of being able to play games and put together puzzles. It's been really fun working on those with him over the past month or so. Doing those things with him really makes me look forward to working on more complex puzzles and more interesting games as he, Cecil, and my future children get older.

I have visions of us being gathered around a card table working on a puzzle.

I see us playing Skip-bo, Phase 10, Uno, and Go Fish over and over again.

I'll teach them to love playing strategy games like Dominion, Settlers of Catan, and others.

We'll even get some sightseeing in--I think it would be really cool to line up a really nice weather day with a no test day in school, sign them out and go on a hike, have a picnic, or visit a museum. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Levi: the best big brother!

Levi is a pretty stellar big brother. He really enjoys having Cecil around, talking to Cecil, and even helping Cecil calm down (which, incidentally, he's pretty good at!).

Holding Cecil, only a few weeks old

Today Levi helped Cecil fist-bump him. Yesterday, Cecil started getting fussy while I was making dinner, and Levi ran over to him and just looked at him. Cecil calmed down almost immediately at the sight of his big brother. Little things like this happen all the time. Also, every time I put Cecil on a blanket for tummy time, Levi gets all excited and lays down there right next to him.

Enjoying tummy time & keeping his little brother company

Levi said, "Hi Cecil. I am a lobster." Cuuuuuute!

Levi really likes talking about his little brother and hearing about being a big brother. When either Austin or I read a story about brothers, Levi loves having his and Cecil's names put in place of the characters in the book.

A picture of either one is great, but when they're together, the picture is even better!

The only time Levi really seemed frustrated at having Cecil around was after we came home from a grocery trip. Both Levi and Cecil were hungry and competing for my attention, which I couldn't give them immediately because I needed to put away the frozen and refrigerated groceries first. By the time I finished, Cecil was crying in full earnest, and I rushed over to him so that I could help him. Levi rushed over, too, and right as I was getting there, Levi flipped down the carseat canopy over Cecil so I couldn't see him (pretty extreme, I know).

My first impulse was to say, "No, Levi, can't you tell that Cecil needs me?" but then I realized Levi needed some validation and to feel like he had some control over the situation, so I said, "What? Where's Cecil??" in my best I-can't-find-him-and-I'm-worried voice. We were both right next to Cecil's covered carrier. Levi smiled. Then I said, "Wow, I can hear him crying, I think he really needs me, but I can't see him anywhere!" Levi flipped up the cover, then immediately flipped it down again. I was able to get in an "Oh, THERE he --" before the cover came down, and then followed that up with, "Man, I wonder where Cecil could be? I just saw him!" Levi laughed and flipped up the cover again, leaving it up this time.

And so far, that's been the only acting out Levi's had towards Cecil!

One thing that has changed about Levi's behavior towards me is that he wants to be cuddled more (score!) and he'll pretend to be a baby. He even makes baby noises like Cecil does - not the easy-to-make ones that grown-ups use, but real noises sounding pretty similar to the grunts and squeaks that a small baby makes.

My babies, haha.

Levi didn't like the flash

I'm really happy that Levi likes Cecil so much, and I think Cecil's a pretty lucky kid to have a brother like Levi.

Kicking it

I am so awed and thankful to be preparing to welcome another child into my family in just a few months. Life really is a miracle.

One of the things I've been doing during this pregnancy that I didn't do (but should have done) when I was pregnant with Levi is counting kicks. The baby is supposed to move at least 10 times in an hour (after you're far enough along), so you pick a time and count the movements. This baby (let's call him Stevi for now, since we don't have a name for him yet) usually gets the 10 kicks in five minutes or less, and keeps kicking after I've counted 10 kicks. Granted, I do wait to start counting until I feel him moving first. I remember Levi kicking, but I don't remember the frequency or the quantity of kicks. I'm glad I'm doing counting and that I've written about it here. So at 30 weeks, little Stevi likes to move!

One thing that happened yesterday is that Stevi pushed on me with his hand (or foot, but I think it was his hand), so much so that I was able to push back and feel the knob of his little hand under my skin. It was like he gave me a high five! It was pretty sweet.

Other things that are different this time around are: 1) I've experienced heartburn (blech!), 2) I've experienced a lot more physical discomfort, and 3) people ask me how far along I am before I mention that I'm pregnant (I'm not sure if this is a location thing or if it's because I'm showing more this time).

Chatting the Chores Away

Rachel and I are in the kitchen talking up a storm. She is washing the dishes; I am clearing the counters and floor in order to wipe and mop once she's done. I am happy. We are planning on tackling the bathroom if we have enough time.

What could be better than cleaning with a beloved sister? I have to leave for a few minutes to start the laundry. When I come back, Rachel tells me that she forgot how much she hates doing the dishes without someone to talk to or music to listen to. We laugh, I agree, and we get back to happily chatting away the chores.

Before we know it, the kitchen is clean and it's time for Rachel to go. It was so good to visit with her, and I suspect that she feels the same way I do--it's so much easier to justify taking time out of a busy schedule to chat if there's work to be done--even if it isn't your own work--while you talk.

Homeschool

Many of my friends don't know this, but I was homeschooled for all of elementary school (except Kindergarten, if you count that).

When I tell people this, they usually express sympathy that I wasn't able to take part in the wonderful elementary school memories that most children have. Little do they know, I had an amazing homeschool experience! I feel like I not only had more fun than they did, I also was able to establish who I was--without trying to be like my friends. Don't forget that I also had less schoolwork than they did, so I also did not get sick of school and school work. My siblings and I were not allowed to watch TV, so I was able to develop my creativity, as well, with little structured time during my day.

An average day for me went something like this: Wake up, eat breakfast. Play "My Little Ponies" or Barbies (we had tomboy Barbies) with my siblings. Do a page of simple math problems because Mom told me to. Write in my journal so I could play outside. Play orphans, princesses (of course tomboy princesses) or horses outside with my sisters (mostly Heidi, two years older than me). Eat lunch somewhere in there with the rest of my siblings. Build a cool house for our toys out of whatever materials we had on hand -- blankets, the ladder that went with the bunk bed, waffle blocks, or wooden building blocks. Eat supper with my family. Read a book--some of my favorites were the Anne of Green Gables series, anything by Marguerite Henry (she wrote Misty of Chincoteage), and the Black Stallion series. Go to bed.

When I got older and was in 4th or 5th grade, I would also read a chapter from a science book and/or a book about pioneer America.

Of course, there were variations in this loose schedule. Mom would take us on field trips--I remember going to the SC state museum in Columbia, Swan Lake in Sumter, Historic Camden, and the Boykin Company Store where we watched brooms being made as they were a century ago. We also had working days where we cleaned up our rooms or worked on a big project such as deep cleaning the basement, re-arranging the storage room, or re-organizing the laundry room. One of my favorite projects was making pear preserves, and they were delicious!

When I started public school in 6th grade, there were a few gaps in my education, but I learned quickly and had straight-A's my first 9 weeks. I was very enthusiastic about this new experience, and even enjoyed doing my homework! Even though I didn't feel like I fit in with the other kids, I knew who I was and who I wanted to be. I remember at least two instances where someone tried to tease me about some of my quirks, but it fell flat because I didn't feel injured at all.

I also feel like I have a much stronger relationship with my siblings as a direct effect of homeschool. We spent a lot more time together because there was more time to be together. My older sisters would also help me with my schoolwork, giving us even more time together.

The only thing I would have changed about my homeschool experience was the amount of social interaction I had. I didn't really know how to make new friends or talk to someone that I didn't know very well. This was a difficult obstacle for me to overcome, and I had a hard time with this up through high school. I still sometimes have to make a conscious effort to make conversation! I think that is just a natural part of my personality, though.

It's Christmas In July

I woke up this morning so incredibly excited that I could not go back to sleep. I knew some sound of Levi's had woken me up, but he didn't make any more noises.

I started analyzing my feelings, and the only one I could come up with was that it felt like Christmas. Seriously. Christmas still has that delicious anticipatory feeling about it for me, even though I don't care as much about the gifts.

And why, do you ask, does it feel like Christmas this muggy July morning?

Let me show you:

I SEE MY FAMILY TODAY!!!!!!

Ok, so I won't see all of them today, but today is the beginning of it all. And the anticipation is killing me!


Also, I'm inordinately pleased with myself for being able to fit all of Levi's and my things for a week in these two bags:

What? Don't look at me like that! Clothes are squishier than you think ;)