How to choose a career

I've been thinking lately about how to choose the optimal career (yes, I'd like to go back into the workforce someday). I'd like to live in a specific area of the country and find fulfillment and success in whatever career I choose.

When I was choosing my college major, I only thought about my aptitude and desired income. However, I have come to realize that there is so much more to this. Here are some factors I've considered as I've pondered my options:

1. Location. Some jobs are only found in the city,  others in the country; some are more plentiful in specific parts of the country or world, and others have demand almost universally.

2. Social interaction. Do you enjoy talking to others, or would you be happier being left alone for the majority of the day with periodic interaction with co-workers that you see every day? How comfortable are you with interacting with strangers, and on how personal a level?

3. Future demand. How much demand will there be for your profession in 10 years or more?

4. Current demand. Is the job market saturated with people in the job you're considering, or is there a high demand for it with few suitable candidates?

5. What standard of living are you willing to accept?

6. Is the subject matter you have to learn to work in the profession appealing to you? Is this something you'd like to think about for a large portion of your life?

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Since I'm interested in a smaller city than the one I'm currently in and have considered the town I grew up in, I had to think about which jobs are available there. The town I grew up in is very small (less than 10,000 people). I realized that in order to work there in a profession that would be mentally stimulating and provide the income I wanted, my choices were limited. The professions I came up with were: Something related to the school system, the government, health care, the law, or business ownership. There are almost no mechanical engineering positions there, and almost certainly very few tech positions, which is a profession I think I would be well suited for. So I'll probably have to choose a location that is close to but not in the town I grew up in.

I have to learn more about the opportunities in tech to know which specific position would most appeal to me, but I would love to have something with a reliable amount of social interaction and something with a lot of demand so that I can have a lot of choices as to which company I would work for.

Intangible gifts I want to give to my children

-healthy eating habits
-love of being fit
-love of outdoors
-social dexterity
-love of reading
-happiness
-high emotional intelligence
-love of self
-love for others
-how to keep a clean living space

And of course, most importantly, a love for Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ.

My Bucket List

Travel outside of the country to see something interesting (Machu Picchu? Mexican pyramids?)

Bike 20 miles at a time (or more!)

Go on a cruise

Become a temple worker

Get another college degree, possibly teach college

Find new information on Callie Nolan (ancestor)

See Providence Canyon; hike and take pictures!

Hike with kids in at least 5 different parks

See the Aurora Borealis

Vacation in Hawaii

Go to Yellowstone National Park and see Old Faithful

Visit Mesa Verde and tour the cliff dwellings

Joy

Recently, a friend said something that made me realize that she thinks that I am skilled at being joyful. I had never really thought about it like that before; I had just thought I was a naturally happy person. On further thought, though, I did realize that I do change my actions and thoughts to make my life happier and more joyful.

One thing that comes to mind is from when Levi was a baby. He was a very sad baby--I think he had reflux or something--and cried at the least provocation. He constantly was demanding my attention, and I had little time to do anything that wasn't with him. There was one point where when he napped, it was hardly ever more than 30 minutes at a time.

I was constantly frustrated with not being able to get things done. I was not experiencing very much joy; mostly I was experiencing a screaming child and not being able to do the things I wanted to do.

Finally, I took an honest look at my life. I knew I was frustrated, and I knew why. I finally said to myself, "Self, things are not going to change anytime soon. Self, what do you need to change about your expectations, and what do you need to change about your life to get the things done that you need to?"

My first change was my expectation about what I could get done during a 30-minute nap (not much). When I started expecting things that could realistically happen, I stopped being as frustrated about not being able to do the not-as-doable things that I expected to do before.

Another change was in my style of doing things. Previously, I did everything in big chunks. I set aside some time and "got 'er done!" After honestly looking at the time I had all at once, I knew that wasn't practical. I started teaching myself to do things piece by piece and to multitask. It has been a long process, let me tell you!

I saw immediate results. I didn't get as much done as I had before having a baby (surprise! haha), but I was able to get the things that needed to be done, done. The new way wasn't as efficient as the old way, but I was happier. Constant frustration was gone from my life (periodic frustration remained, of course), and nothing about my circumstances had changed.

Leaving My Comfort Zone: Kitchen Edition

So one of my friends told me that this recipe was her favorite and that I should try it. That and other motivating factors made me break out of my kitchen comfort zone to try it. It is SO GOOD. It was definitely worth learning a few new skills and spending a couple of hours in the kitchen (I'm sure it won't take as much time next time I make it, though).

Oh. Man. I ate two huge servings and I just can't stop thinking about it. Think of Ariel: "I want mooooore!"

So, I'm actually pretty proud of myself for developing new skills and experiences in the kitchen (and a little embarrassed that it's taken me so long to do some of these things). Here are my new things that I done did:

1. Buy, peel, and chop up ginger. I really enjoyed mincing it because it smelled so good the whole time!
2. Zest an orange. I was so ignorant about this that I actually looked for orange zest at the grocery store. However, I've got to say that the orange zest made a huge difference in the way the meal tasted, and I got to eat a delicious orange to boot!
3. Use corn starch in my cooking. I really appreciated how quickly the sauce thickened up!

I followed the recipe exactly. I have had too many mess-ups and flops because of putting substitutes in recipes when I didn't have the exact ingredients. I would, however, change one thing--the sauce was a little too sweet. Next time I make this, I'll try it with only 3/4 C brown sugar (instead of the 1 C it calls for)

I also made some marinades (with chicken) for some easy freezer meals down the road. I'm looking forward to how they turn out. I used this one (I used a 1/4 recipe), three from this site, and then a barbecue marinade that I made up on my own. I haven't really done marinades before, either, so I'm looking forward to how they turn out.

Goals - what now?

When I was a teenager, I attended Young Womens classes at my church. Those classes are essentially Sunday school classes for young women from age 12-18, often with supplemental activities during the week.

Anyway, sometimes we'd talk about goals: What do you want to be doing in 5 years from now? 10? It was pretty easy to set those goals since I was in high school and planned on going to college. I also wanted to get married and start a family.

By now, I've reached those goals. I graduated from the university I attended with honors and I'm now married to a wonderful man and have an adorable son, with another kiddo on the way. I don't think serving a mission was ever a serious goal for me while I was in high school, but I ended up doing that, too. I'm glad I did.

I've heard that many people arrive at this point and feel at a loss as to how they should continue; they now have everything they wanted out of life--what now?

I don't think I've ever felt that way. I get fulfillment out of learning to be a better wife and mother, to understand and work with my husband better every day. However, those are very indistinct goals, and I feel like it's beneficial to have more than just that kind of goal to work with.

Everyone will have different goals, because everyone is different and has different strengths and desires. However, here are some of my goals:

1. Strengthen neighborhood unity by throwing (simple) neighborhood parties, especially after moving out of Wymount (we already have a lot of neighborhood unity, and extra parties here would probably be overkill, haha)
2. Help kids in single-parent families to have the attention they need (and also to give their parents a break if they need it!) by helping with homework, transportation, or whatever else is needed.
3. Make my home a positive place my children and their friends will love to be--with acceptance, support, and snacks!
4. Get training for a job I'll love (so, probably not engineering) and go back to work after my children are old enough.
5. Meet new people by participating in community activities such as toddler time at the library (I had thought of another way to meet people in the community, but it escapes me right now. Edit: Aha! What about game night at the game store?)

You can see that a lot of these goals are based off of me loving to be around people and meeting new people. An introvert would have different goals that would reflect his or her own strengths. My goals also involve my children and their friends. Someone who doesn't have kids would have the opportunity to focus on something different.

I encourage anyone reading this post to set goals for your life, especially if you've already gotten the "big goals" or if achieving them is out of your control. Make goals both for making the world around you better and that will make yourself better or happier.

People change

I remember the first time I noticed a drastic change in someone. When I knew this person in high school, she was unforgiving and judgmental. She didn't like me for reasons beyond my control. She was manipulative.

When I started to interact with this person on a regular basis several years later, I was struck with the change in her. She was still her, but in a different way. She was more forgiving. She admitted her own faults, and she didn't dislike me. She wasn't as manipulative as she had once been. I could tell that she was happier, and that she liked herself more.

At first, I resisted treating her as a changed person. I still remembered what she had been like in the past, and knew some of what she was capable of. I had formed habits in the way I interacted with her, and I had to remember the changes to treat her as the new her.

I've noticed the same thing with myself. I'm a vastly different person from who I was in high school, even though I'm the same in many ways.

I was shy, awkward, opinionated, stubborn, vulnerable, naive, and many other things when I was in high school. I was a people-pleaser and a rule-follower; I stayed quiet because I was afraid of saying something wrong or making people dislike me.

Now I am outgoing, socially acceptable, more informed, less stubborn, more open to other people's thoughts, experiences, and opinions, and more sure of myself. I still like to make others comfortable, but I'm continuing to learn that you can't make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. I'm different. I'm still me at my core, but I'm different.

Recently I talked to someone who best remembers high school me. She made a reference to my naivete which was no longer accurate. There are still other people that knew me from my high school years* that avoid me because high school me was boring and uninteresting, and don't even give me a chance now.

It's important to give people second chances, the benefit of the doubt, and  remember that they can change. Not everyone goes though such dramatic changes as my friend and I have, but we need to remember that people can and do change.


*There are many people who knew me while I was in high school that have maintained their friendships with me throughout my changes. Only some people have been unwilling to get to know me again. I imagine it's just as hard for them as it was for me to re-acquaint myself with the friend that I talked about at the beginning of this post.

Dora of Green Gables

Austin and I recently started a 30-day creative writing challenge. We're going to take much longer than 30 days in the process, but I thought you might be interested in what I have written. I won't post everything that I do, just the ones that I liked. I'd love to get some feedback from you on what you think of what I've written!

This particular story is from day 2, "write a fan fiction." I've always been a fan of Anne of Green Gables and I've always felt that poor Dora (from Anne of Avonlea) was never given the benefit of the doubt. In the series, she's portrayed as a perfectly behaved but incredibly boring girl. This is my attempt to explain a little bit about why she was the way she was.

Dora of Green Gables

Davy gleefully shaped another mud pie with the mud from the pig pen. Dora could tell that he was enjoying it, and wished she could go and play, too, but Marilla would be upset if she got her dress dirty. “Boys get to have all the fun!” she thought. Her twin brother Davy always got away with all of his shenanigans, no matter how bad he’d been. Any time Dora did something that was out of line with the adults’ code of conduct, she got a good talking-to, which cowed her for at least the next month—whereas Davy could care less about sermons and just went right back to whatever he was doing before the lecture. Sometimes he’d try to stop, but it would never last longer than a day or two. Dora sighed. That was probably why Davy got away with things and she didn’t—Davy just didn’t think the consequences were all that bad.

“Dora! Come help me make pies!”

Oh, it was tempting! Mud pies were just the thing for a slow Sunday afternoon. But if she did—no. She wouldn’t even consider it.

“No, Davy, I’ll get my dress dirty. I can’t.”

“Aw, come on! They’re bully pies! You can make them look like whatever you want. Look! This one’s an apple pie.”

Dora came closer, and saw that Davy had made one of his mud pies to look like the top of an apple pie, with criss-cross lines to look like the interwoven dough. Dora thought if she tried, she’d be able to make one just as good, and maybe even better. An idea popped into her head of how she could ripple the edges to make it look more like a real pie.

“No, Davy! I can’t! Marilla will be mad if I ruin my dress!”

“Marilla shmarilla!” However, Davy knew he’d lost the argument here. Dora was such a wuss whenever she thought she might get in trouble. He decided to change tactics from persuasion to revenge—how dare she be more afraid of Marilla than of Davy himself?—and said, “Fine! If you’re so high and mighty, try to keep your dress clean while walking the pigpen fence!”

Dora’s eyes widened. “I couldn’t do that!”

“Ha! Fraidy-cat! Fraidy-cat! You’re so scared of a little mud. What if I came and wiped my hands on your dress? Would you be afraid then?” Davy started to approach Dora, with his muddy hands outstretched.

Dora backed away a little, and said, “I’m not a fraidy-cat! I just don’t want to walk the fence.”

“Yeah? Well why don’t you want to walk the fence?”

“I just don’t want to.”

“Fraidy-cat!”

“Fine! I’m not afraid to walk the fence!” and Dora proceeded to mount the fence.

Once she was on top, Dora immediately regretted her decision. Davy always convinced her to do imprudent things. “Well, here goes nothing,” she thought, and gingerly put one foot in front of the other on the fence rail. Dora carefully raised her arms for balance, and took another step. So far so good. Her heart was pounding. What if she fell? The ground was pretty close, but if she landed on the wrong body part, it could really hurt! Dora took a few more steps. Maybe she could do this after all!

Just as Dora was gaining confidence, Davy yelled, “Woo-yeah, go Dora!” which surprised Dora so much that she jumped—not a lot, but just enough to move her enough off-center that she started to fall. Dora flailed her arms, frantically trying to re-gain her balance, but the damage was done. Dora’s feet slipped off the slender rail and suddenly she was covered in mud. She was conscious of Davy’s laughter, but she couldn’t join him. Davy had conned her into his mischief again. Everybody would be so disappointed in her. She didn’t know how she could bear it!

All day Dora had worked hard all day to keep herself presentable. She never spoke without being spoken to first, sat still during church, ate the food put in front of her, said please and thank you, and worked especially hard to keep her dress and face clean. Davy didn’t even try. She was afraid that if she didn’t behave well to cancel out Davy’s mischief, the two would have to change homes again. It was only their first week at Green Gables, and she was anxious to make a good impression, and now Davy had ruined everything. Dora burst into tears.

Davy stopped laughing and looked at her strangely. “Don’t cry, Dora. That was a bully fall. You should have seen yourself—with your arms waving around and the look on your face—oh, man, I couldn’t help it! You just looked so darn funny!”

The pig chose that moment to run over Dora’s dress, and she sobbed all the harder.

Between sobs, Dora managed to choke out that nothing could make up for her dress being ruined in the mud and for how mad Marilla would be when she saw Dora’s dress.

“A little bit of mud can’t hurt—I’ll rinse you off under the pump, and it’ll make you as good as new. Don’t worry, I do it all the time.”

Dora looked at him doubtfully, but figured that the water might wash off some of the mud. She followed him to the pump and meekly waited for her shower. Davy energetically worked the pump, and Dora was suddenly soaked by a gush of ice-cold water. Some of the mud came off, but not much. Davy kept working the pump, but to no avail. Finally, Dora gave up and told him to stop. She looked at her dress again and realized that her sash and shoes were now spoiled by the water. She started crying again. Would nothing go right for her?

Davy suggested that the dress would be okay if she just stood in the sun and let it dry, but she was too disappointed in him to follow his advice any more today. Dora walked to the house and into the dining room, where Marilla, Anne, and all of the guests from the Aid society were having tea. Could there have been a more humiliating time to fall in the mud? Marilla looked shocked. So did Anne—Anne, who Dora already looked up to and from whom she yearned approval. The members of the Aid society looked like they couldn’t wait for her to leave so they could gossip about her and what had happened.

Dora was so ashamed that they all had to see her like this, but Marilla was kind and took her up to the bedroom for clean clothes. After hearing Dora’s explanation, Marilla didn’t have the heart to discipline the poor child, and tea with the Aid society went on downstairs without them.

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That night, Dora laid in bed, thinking about the day. Davy had been punished, but Dora didn’t want punishment for Davy. Dora wanted to be able to stand up to him on her own, without being intimidated by his taunts. A plan started to hatch in her mind. It would take a long time—maybe even years—but Dora was determined that one day, she would have the courage to stand up for herself whenever she wanted to.

The End

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I wrote a sequel! Check it out here.

Rilla of Ingleside and World War I

Wow.

I just finished reading the Anne of Green Gables series. There are eight books in the series, and I've read the first three many, many times. The first time I read through the latter five books, however, I thought they were all incredibly boring and not worth my time. I was probably around 9 or 10 when I finished the last book. Since then, I've grown and matured and can appreciate more things in life.

The two last books in the Anne of Green Gables series, and especially the last one (Rilla of Ingleside) are really good. The last book takes place during World War I. I haven't read any novels or accounts about either World War--I just learned the cold hard facts and not much else. Rilla of Ingleside made it real to me. These were real people; they lost their sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers. I never realized the agony of wartime on the home front, where everyone was physically safe but feared for their loved ones. I knew that the World Wars changed lives, but I didn't feel it. Now I do.

If you want to stretch yourself a little and expand your vision, read this book; read Rilla of Ingleside. Read it not just with a desire to be entertained, but also with empathy for the experiences real people went through that provided the foundation for this novel.