How to choose a career

I've been thinking lately about how to choose the optimal career (yes, I'd like to go back into the workforce someday). I'd like to live in a specific area of the country and find fulfillment and success in whatever career I choose.

When I was choosing my college major, I only thought about my aptitude and desired income. However, I have come to realize that there is so much more to this. Here are some factors I've considered as I've pondered my options:

1. Location. Some jobs are only found in the city,  others in the country; some are more plentiful in specific parts of the country or world, and others have demand almost universally.

2. Social interaction. Do you enjoy talking to others, or would you be happier being left alone for the majority of the day with periodic interaction with co-workers that you see every day? How comfortable are you with interacting with strangers, and on how personal a level?

3. Future demand. How much demand will there be for your profession in 10 years or more?

4. Current demand. Is the job market saturated with people in the job you're considering, or is there a high demand for it with few suitable candidates?

5. What standard of living are you willing to accept?

6. Is the subject matter you have to learn to work in the profession appealing to you? Is this something you'd like to think about for a large portion of your life?

_________________________________________________________

Since I'm interested in a smaller city than the one I'm currently in and have considered the town I grew up in, I had to think about which jobs are available there. The town I grew up in is very small (less than 10,000 people). I realized that in order to work there in a profession that would be mentally stimulating and provide the income I wanted, my choices were limited. The professions I came up with were: Something related to the school system, the government, health care, the law, or business ownership. There are almost no mechanical engineering positions there, and almost certainly very few tech positions, which is a profession I think I would be well suited for. So I'll probably have to choose a location that is close to but not in the town I grew up in.

I have to learn more about the opportunities in tech to know which specific position would most appeal to me, but I would love to have something with a reliable amount of social interaction and something with a lot of demand so that I can have a lot of choices as to which company I would work for.

Joy

Recently, a friend said something that made me realize that she thinks that I am skilled at being joyful. I had never really thought about it like that before; I had just thought I was a naturally happy person. On further thought, though, I did realize that I do change my actions and thoughts to make my life happier and more joyful.

One thing that comes to mind is from when Levi was a baby. He was a very sad baby--I think he had reflux or something--and cried at the least provocation. He constantly was demanding my attention, and I had little time to do anything that wasn't with him. There was one point where when he napped, it was hardly ever more than 30 minutes at a time.

I was constantly frustrated with not being able to get things done. I was not experiencing very much joy; mostly I was experiencing a screaming child and not being able to do the things I wanted to do.

Finally, I took an honest look at my life. I knew I was frustrated, and I knew why. I finally said to myself, "Self, things are not going to change anytime soon. Self, what do you need to change about your expectations, and what do you need to change about your life to get the things done that you need to?"

My first change was my expectation about what I could get done during a 30-minute nap (not much). When I started expecting things that could realistically happen, I stopped being as frustrated about not being able to do the not-as-doable things that I expected to do before.

Another change was in my style of doing things. Previously, I did everything in big chunks. I set aside some time and "got 'er done!" After honestly looking at the time I had all at once, I knew that wasn't practical. I started teaching myself to do things piece by piece and to multitask. It has been a long process, let me tell you!

I saw immediate results. I didn't get as much done as I had before having a baby (surprise! haha), but I was able to get the things that needed to be done, done. The new way wasn't as efficient as the old way, but I was happier. Constant frustration was gone from my life (periodic frustration remained, of course), and nothing about my circumstances had changed.

How to help a new mother

One Thanksgiving break about a year before I graduated from college, one of my sisters gave birth to a little boy, and I went to her home to help her with her other kids and anything else she may need during her recovery from the birth. It was my first time doing something like that, and I was excited to help my sister.

While I was there, I helped with laundry, cooking, cleaning, and the older kids, but my sister still looked and acted frazzled. I felt like there was a lot more that I could have done, but I didn't know what.
______

Fast forward a few years, and with the birth of my second child, I'm reminded again of the things that I wish I'd known that first time that I tried to help a new mother. Hopefully, the things that I share can help someone preparing to help a new mother. And just to make everything clear--the people who helped me were amazing and so helpful! I wouldn't have been able to recover so quickly without them.

So, what is the best way to help out a new mom? Here are three things that I think are the most helpful to a new mother, in order of importance.

1. Make her SLEEP! Every new mom is sleep-deprived and should be taking naps throughout the day to make up for the time spent awake during nighttime feedings. As her helper, you should remind her to sleep and make sure she knows she has no responsibility to entertain you or visit with you during your stay. It seems like that should go without saying, but you do need to say it.

There are different ways to encourage naps depending on the mom. However, it's pretty obvious that if things need to get done around the house, the mom will get them done instead of sleeping. Therefore, it's great to have help with other kids or the household responsibilities. That leads to the next two points.

2. Help with household chores. I personally love it when people clean up for me, especially in the kitchen. I like to cook, so that's not so much of a big deal as long as I don't have to clean up afterward :). However, I know other women that enjoy cleaning and dislike cooking, so for those women it would be the opposite--help with cooking takes priority over  help with cleaning. Find out which household duties are the least and most enjoyable for the mom and go from there.

Remember the less-thought-of responsibilities of a mother, such as laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, and bathing the older kids. 

3. Help with the kids. Make sure they're fed, diapers are changed if they need it, that they have help going to the bathroom or washing their hands, and that they're well hydrated. Read books to them and/or play with them. Make sure the mom has time to spend with her older kids, too. I guarantee that if she doesn't have time or energy to spend with her older kids, she will miss them. It doesn't matter how difficult they may or may not be.

__________

That's it, folks! Again, encourage the mom to get extra sleep and not to feel guilty about sleeping all day if she needs to. That's the most important thing.

BMI: reliable or outdated?

I realized just a few weeks ago that I was overweight according to my BMI (I was just barely overweight, at 140 lbs and 5'2"). I was surprised at that because of all the positive attention the media has been giving lately to people who say that models are overly skinny and "real women" are much bigger. The media (and my friends) had been giving so much support to this movement that I thought I was just fine as a "real woman."

So when I found out that I was overweight, I was taken off guard. I was so surprised that I figured that other people probably didn't know that they were overweight, either. I mentioned how surprised I was about being overweight in a recent conversation. The person I was talking to said that using your BMI to determine if you were overweight or not is outdated and inaccurate in many cases. At the time, all I could say was that it's really only inaccurate for people who have a lot of muscle mass. Since then, I've realized that BMI is what has been used in the studies about how weight and health are related. Therefore, even if it's an outdated and inaccurate means to determine your body's fitness, the average person's health risks can be determined by their BMI.

According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention - a government-funded organization), some health issues from being overweight or obese are these:

-Coronary heart disease
-Type 2 diabetes
-Cancers (endometrial, breast, and colon)
-Hypertension (high blood pressure)
-Dyslipidemia (for example, high total cholesterol or high levels of triglycerides)
-Stroke
-Liver and Gallbladder disease
-Sleep apnea and breathing problems
-Osteoarthritis (a breakdown of cartilage and bone within a joint)
-Gynecological problems (abnormal periods, infertility)

This isn't about my vanity; it's about my health!

Also, the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) states that "If you have abdominal obesity and most of your fat is around your waist rather than at your hips, you're at increased risk for coronary heart disease and type 2 diabetes. The risk goes up with a waist size that's greater than 35 inches for women or greater than 40 inches for men."

On the flip side, I have a friend who is the same height as me, 5' 2". She stays at 125 lbs "no matter what" she eats, according to her. She says her ideal weight is 107. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't function very well at 107 lbs, and that for my very individual body, I would be underweight. (Just FYI - "normal" body weight for someone that's 5'2" is 101 - 136 lbs). I was surprised that the range for normal was 35 lbs apart from low to high. I think that alone factors in the differences between body types and shapes.

I think 120-125 is probably my ideal body weight, and not lower. You see, I have a very close relationship with food, and need my energy. I will also probably have a relatively slow journey to get to that ideal weight (I'm ~136 now, after 2 months of exercise and almost 1 month of eating better). However, one little-known fact is that most of the energy that you use throughout the day is energy stored in your muscles (from food you ate that day), not your fat. Prolonged exercise is what uses up your fat stores.

For your convenience, here are two BMI calculators, one from the CDC website, and the other from the NHLBI website .

Awk-ward!

Early in the morning a few days ago, I went outside with Levi to play. He immediately ran to the playground, and I sat on the low concrete wall surrounding the playground to watch. I immediately felt the cold of the concrete on my unsuspecting posterior. I looked down, checking for pants. Yep, they were still there. I felt kind of silly, but at the same time, it had been as if there was nothing there between me and the concrete.

About 10 minutes later, some other mothers came out to the playground with their children. By this time, I was sitting on a bench that although cold, was nothing like the cold of the concrete wall. Another mother was sitting on the bench with me, when one mother started to sit on the concrete wall nearby. I invited her to sit on the bench with me and the other mother, saying, "I know how cold it is over there on the concrete, you should come sit on the bench--it's warmer." We made space and she came over, thanking us.

Then I said it.

I said, "Yeah, I sat on the concrete earlier, and I had to check that I was still wearing pants it was so cold!" No one laughed. No one even said anything commiserating with me about how very cold the concrete was. There was just this awkward silence while I realized that I had said something socially taboo around these parts. Then they changed the subject.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I say something socially awkward, I think about it for days (or months, or if it's really bad, even years) afterward. So I've been thinking about this, mostly about how I just should've stayed quiet. But just this morning, I realized that the main people that I've heard jokes like this from are my mother, her brothers, and my maternal grandmother. I have Scotch-Irish ancestry on that side, and I wonder if my forebears have been making jokes like this through the eons of time. I know when I watch movies set in Scotland, they frequently have jokes like this. So maybe this is a manifestation of my Scottish heritage. Ha!

Feeling Intimidated

So.... I'm feeling a little intimidated by the women in my ward.

They do things like throw elaborate birthday parties for two-year-olds and come up with super awesome costumes for Halloween. A lot of them enjoy exercise and have an exercise plan.

The thing is, is that these are good things. I'm glad these women are so awesome! It's just ... I want to fit in. And I don't know how to throw a toddler's party or come up with a fun and cute Halloween costume, and running makes me want to do pretty much anything else. It's disheartening.

I guess I should just be okay with who I am and remembering my own talents--I'm sure most of them would be intimidated by my degree in engineering and others might be intimidated by my taste for non-fiction books. But the thing is, is that I don't want to be intimidating. I'd like to be respected, that's for sure, but not intimidating.

It's kind of ironic that this post comes right after the post where I commend so many of the people of Utah for their amazing skills and attitudes. I'm sure I'll figure things out eventually--the women here are genuinely nice, even if I don't necessarily feel like I fit in with all of them.

Technology, Progress, and Keeping Up

When texting first became popular, I was a kind of opposite hipster: I was proud of not "needing" it to function socially; I was proud that I wasn't addicted to it; I was proud that I never struggled with texting in inappropriate situations because I avoided the temptation altogether.

Years later when I married the love of my life, I got a cell phone plan that included texting. I started using it more and more often as the months progressed, and I _LOVED_ it. I found out that texting is incredibly convenient, easier to check than a voice mail, and much less disruptive than a phone call. I don't feel that I suffer from any of the problems that I was so proud of avoiding by not texting at all. Many people are only accessible through texting. I would be missing out on so much if I refused to take part in it!

Austin's chosen profession requires that he stay at the cutting edge of technology, and I have learned that it's really much better to keep up with changes in technology and culture rather than being left behind, no matter how much you like the old way or are emotionally attached to it. Not only will you be able to relate to the rising generation, but your life will probably be easier, too!

This also relates to language. I remember learning that it was bad grammar when someone asks, "How are you?" to reply with, "I'm doing good." The proper response, I learned, was, "I'm doing well." I started using the proper response because I like doing things correctly. After a few strange looks, however, I learned that maybe the traditionally correct way to reply was "I'm doing well," but the socially correct way to reply was, "I'm doing good." I started using the socially correct way. I adapted. I wanted to be accepted; I didn't want to cling to my little notion that my way was always the best way because it was the right way. No; I learned that many times when it comes to grammar, the socially accepted ways to say things are generally the correct way. Did you know that saying "I guess" used to be slang? Yep, it was. The proper way to communicate that idea back in the day was "I suppose." Interesting how things change.

It's not just language and technology. Many people resisted giving women the right to vote because it was something new and different. Others balked at the idea of the novel; they thought it was frivolous and a waste of time. Now teachers and other leaders encourage children to read novels in order to expand their minds. I'm sure you can think of many other instances where change was resisted.

But wait! Katie, you say we should embrace change, but not all changes are good! What about the changes that are bad, that annihilate rich cultural traditions, or are bad for the social health of our culture?

Well, I agree that not all changes are good. However, I have learned to try to embrace new ideas and things. Of course I'm not perfect at it, but when it goes well, I learn what I can about the new idea or innovation with an open mind and analyze it: Is this good? Will it harm me or those around me? Is there anything intrinsically bad about it?

If I don't find anything wrong with whatever it is, then I figure it won't hurt to try, and it will probably hurt in the future when I'm not to be able to relate to those around me who haven't resisted the change. Sometimes it takes me a while to warm up to the idea; sometimes it takes a few days or weeks or even years (texting, for example) of mulling over something or missing out on something to finally admit to myself that it is actually ok.

I promise you, it is MUCH more comfortable and MUCH more dignified to accept change than to be forced into accepting or tolerating it down the road when it's unavoidable.