Mothers are wonderful, but stop expecting them to be superheroes

The other day, one of my kids picked out a superhero book from the library. It was all about a kid who liked to read superhero comics, until it wasn't, and was all about how his mommy was his biggest superhero, because she somehow did all the things to take care of him, feed him, clean the house, comfort him when he was sad, and allllll the things that a good mom does. At the time, it made me oddly uncomfortable, but I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason why. It was a very positive message about how mothers are amazing. Right?

 

This is a screenshot of a Google search I did for "superhero mom book"

Finally, I realized while in the midst of a conversation with another mom that the thing that bothered me is that you have to have literal super powers to do all the things that that mom was doing. It's the same reason I get uncomfortable on Mother's Day and everyone is saying how amazing I am for being a mom. Let's be real here. I know my flaws. That's not who I am. I wish I could do that much for my kids. I really want to! But I can't do it by myself. And if everyone is going around saying that moms are superheroes, who's going to notice when they're struggling? How are you going to know that you should pitch in, or comfort her? I don't want my kids to see me as a superhero. I want them to know that I love it when they comfort me when I'm sad; that reducing my workload in even a small way means the world to me; and when they help their brother with whatever he's going through (hunger, a boo-boo, boredom), that it makes a difference!

Mother's day 2020

Each year, I try to take pictures with each of the kids on Mother's Day. Here are the pictures from this past May:

Theodore was first to get a picture with me. He's always available!

Lincoln was the next most available. I love his smile!

Cecil took some cajoling to come over and smile.
Later, we played Carcassonne together as a special Mother's Day activity.

Daddy made Levi laugh for the picture!
I believe we did a puzzle together for our special activity.

Growing!

I love Spring! I love the flowers, the promise of new life, little bitty plants in the garden--all of it! Here are some pictures from our spring this year.

Heading out to the garden!

Pointing out the watermelon seedlings :D

I promise he's not trying to look grown up! He's just proud of our green blueberries

Grandma Laura's roses are really something!

This gorgeous rose bush was cut down several times in the name of the hedge, but just kept coming back! This year is its most beautiful yet. We're going to find a way to keep it from getting chopped this year.

This bush has gotten so big! 

Cucumber

Zinnias--to attract pollinators! (don't worry, I'm going to thin them)

Carrots! (also going to be thinned)

Levi's trying to point out a developing pear.
We're finally going to get pears this year! (I planted the tree at least 4 years ago)

Can you smell this picture?!
Look closely for the photobomber.

Just precious.

He looks so worried!

Levi cleared out this area with just loppers and brute force!
Before, the area was impenetrable and you couldn't see the fence back there.

The thorns on these trees are vicious. It's called Callery pear and it's an invasive species.
These trees made up bulk of what Levi cleared out, along with a fair amount of privet.

This is similar to what the other area looked like before it was cleared out.

He likes to nibble on the clover

 I have to say, my garden is coming along nicely, but I love my crop of boys even better!

Sunday Surprises

This past Sunday as I walked into my church building with my family, a newlywed couple of just a few weeks also walked in. Levi and Cecil had gone ahead and hidden around the corner, and jumped out at us while saying "BOO!" Austin and I pretended to be surprised. It was pretty cute.

I could see that this newlywed couple LOVED it. I imagine they were thinking about how their family could have a moment like that one day. It really helped me to highlight that sweet moment. They happen all the time--especially with our fun-loving boys trying to scare us! Cecil regularly waits in the dark in the van to say "BOO!" to me when I put the younger kids in their car seats. It's so predictable that I think I would be more surprised if he didn't make a sudden loud noise when I open the door to the van!

That Sunday morning, I was stressed from the tension of getting 4 energetic young children ready for church and out the door, but this couple saw the adorable part. If it wasn't for them, I might not have seen it.

The whole time we walked down the long hallway to the chapel, our boys were being pretty cute just by being themselves, and it was wonderful to see it through fresh eyes. Lincoln stopped at the water fountain to ask for a drink (as he does) and Levi had to be told to walk in the church. All this could be seen as obstacles to getting to the chapel reverently and ready to worship, but seeing my family through the eyes of this couple gave me new appreciation for the enthusiasm and zest for life that children have.

Mother's day 2019

We had a nice quiet Mother's Day here. Lincoln was sick, sick, sick, so after church (Austin stayed home with Lincoln) we just lazed around and spent time together. I took some pictures with the kids, Levi gave me a card, Austin made the meals and also cleaned the kitchen, Cecil gave me a hug and said, "Happy Mother's Day!" and Lincoln gave me the best snuggles all day long (too bad it was because he's sick!).

We had some really nice family time on the couch. Levi has recently finished reading the first Harry Potter book (!!) and watched the movie, so he made a wand for himself and was casting spells on all of us. We took turns being petrified and levitated. Austin joined in and was pretty successful at sabotaging Levi's spells by either blocking them with his hands or saying words almost the same as the ones for the spell, but not quite. When Levi and Cecil working together were finally able to keep him from using his hands to block the spells at the same time Levi was able to say the petrification spell without being messed up, Austin fell down and the boys laughed with joy, and Lincoln even cracked a smile and let out a tiny laugh despite feeling so bad.

Cecil got out our baby doll and Austin had him hold it like a new baby. Cecil was very gentle and careful; it was so cute! Then he wrapped the baby in a blanket and carried it around for a while, placing it on the couch and re-wrapping it at intervals. At one point, he asked for a diaper, which I coached him on putting on the doll but he mostly did it himself. I told him that he was getting good practice in for one day when he's a daddy, and that seemed to make him feel extra special. 

I also mentioned that when the new baby is born, Cecil won't be big enough to change his diaper, but Levi probably could! Levi seemed pretty taken with that idea and wanted to get some practice in immediately, and changed Lincoln's diaper! He even thought to give Lincoln a toy to hold without me saying anything. I was pretty impressed! I don't think Lincoln will cooperate so well in the future, but this time he seemed so taken with the novelty of Levi changing his diaper that he just watched and listened in fascination.

Cecil was pretending the hat was Cappy from Mario Odyssey. That means you can control
whoever's wearing it, even if it's a bad guy!

Poor sick Lincoln showing the camera his nose (I'm not sure why...)

Levi wanted a silly picture! He did smile normally for later pictures, but for some reason my camera had stopped working, so you don't get to see those!

Store

Levi and Cecil were playing store today. Daddy kept asking if he could buy a hug, but Cecil said the store didn't sell those. Cecil kept offering food instead. Eventually Daddy ordered a sandwich.

Later, after Daddy had time to be doing something else, Cecil asked him what he could get him from the store. Daddy said, "I would like some solitude, thanks." Cecil quite cheerfully and confidently says, "Oh! I can get you that!" and runs off to his store.

Baffled, I wait to see what he says when he comes back with the order. Cecil runs back to us with his hands cupped. "Here's your solid food, Daddy!"

Daddy took it graciously and then he and I broke down laughing. Oh, I love these kids!

Here's the store! The truck in the front is their cash register, and the magformers are the money.
I didn't even try to get C to make a normal face!

Dairy-free beef stroganoff

A couple months ago, I noticed that my newest baby had a  rash that wouldn't go away no matter how frequently I changed his diaper or put diaper rash cream on him. I had heard of that happening to babies with dairy intolerance, so I decided to try cutting dairy out of my diet. I did, and voila! no more rash. However, that meant that I couldn't go back to eating dairy. I've had to do some experimenting to get that creamy deliciousness back in a way that the whole family will enjoy. Here's one that was a success!

12-16 oz fettuccine or linguine noodles

1/2 head cabbage, chopped

*1 t Worcestershire sauce

*1 t vinegar

1/2 t sugar (optional)

salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste

*1 T mayonnaise

12 oz thin sliced beef steak (it should end up ~1" long, 1/2" wide, 1/8" or less thick. I cooked long, thin slices first and then cut them smaller. Beef can be chewy, so slice against the grain whenever possible to help with the texture)

*1-2 T oil

Cook pasta according to package directions; drain.

Meanwhile, cook beef steak in some of the oil. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, and garlic. When finished, stir fry (aka cook on VERY high heat while stirring frequently) cabbage in drippings and remaining oil, seasoning with more salt, pepper, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, and vinegar. Stir fry the cabbage until the thicker pieces start to become translucent.

Combine cooked cabbage with pasta and mayonnaise; top with beef. Enjoy!

*I'm not certain of the quantities. Use enough oil that the cabbage doesn't burn. Use enough mayonnaise to coat the noodles, but no more.

"You'll miss this"

I've been thinking about that thing that people always tell young mothers: "When they get older, you'll miss when they were (babies, toddlers, etc)." or, "When they're teenagers, you'll miss this," meaning constant cries for mom, constant touching, questions out the wazoo, or any of the myriad of things little people do that drive us nuts.

I find that kind of unsolicited advice annoying. I think I do a fairly decent job of savoring the cute and fun things my kids do and say now, and I'm pretty sure that they'll like me just as much when they're older (as long as I keep the relationship strong). I love cuddling with my adorable, precious little baby, but when he's an energetic toddler running around on those adorably chubby little legs, a preschooler asking "why this" and "why that" and really thinking about my answers, a grade schooler learning about the world around him and becoming more independent, a teenager trying to figure out who he is in a complex and sometimes baffling world, or even a young adult leaving for college and trying out his wings, making mistakes as he learns how to live without mom and dad, I hope that I appreciate and love him just as much and more than I do now.

I think that we need to plan for the future and remember the past, but the best thing we can do for our kids in this regard is to focus on the present. They will remember that we like them as they are, not as they were or as they will be.

I also contend that this method is best for the parent. This way we are not constantly hoping for something we don't have, which is a surefire way to guarantee that we will be unhappy.

Intangible gifts I want to give to my children

-healthy eating habits
-love of being fit
-love of outdoors
-social dexterity
-love of reading
-happiness
-high emotional intelligence
-love of self
-love for others
-how to keep a clean living space

And of course, most importantly, a love for Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ.

Two year old pretending

Today, Cecil has been doing a lot of new things, specifically pretending more than usual. He pretended to make dough in the bread maker (long story as to why it was in his reach and why I let him play with it...), pretended to give candy to a toy, and pretended to clean with a mop. 

He also has been putting words and concepts together. I love how he uses "no" to tell me something is the opposite of the other word he uses. For example, he and Levi like to squish balloons from Levi's birthday party so they are pear-shaped. He would squish one to look like a pear, say "Pear!" get a reaction from me, and then squish the pear-shaped part down to make it shaped like a normal balloon again and say, "Pear. No." It was soooooo cute!

Cecil knows so many words now, I don't even count them. He is constantly using new ones. This morning, he put some blocks together and said, "Build!" -- one more new word.

He and Levi are also playing together really well lately. Cecil knows the drill that if he accepts something that Levi offers him, it means that he needs to give up whatever toy he has in trade. He also has learned (mostly from observation!) that he doesn't want me to get to 3 if he's doing something that I've told him not to do.

My baby is turning into a little boy, and oh! it's exhilarating to watch these little people learn, grow, and discover.

Summer work for teenagers

As a teenager, I understood the value of work and getting some working experience before going out into the world on my own. However, when I was finally old enough to have a summer job, I had a lot of difficulty finding one. I applied to many different places, but no one wanted to hire me. Actually, one fast food restaurant did hire me, but after giving me the baptism of fire working the drive thru (where I was terrible, of course), they never put me on the work schedule again.

Ultimately, I had four different summer jobs through six summers while going to school: babysitting, working as a secretary at the computer repair shop my brother worked at, an internship, and as a painter. The work as a painter and as a babysitter was erratic and unreliable. There were only two summers where I had meaningful employment.

I wanted better employment, but I didn't know how to find it. I've talked to a lot of people my age who've had a difficult time finding a job or figuring out what they want to do for a living.

Obviously, I want  my children to have a better experience than I had. I've pondered on what I can do for them to help them get the exposure they need to find a job, get experience working, and to find a job that they'll enjoy. This is with the knowledge that summer jobs for teenagers are limited, it can be discouraging to keep looking and looking without finding something, and parents shouldn't take the responsibility to find a job for their children.

My plan is that my teenagers will be required to spend 20-30 hours/week (or more, if they want) in the summertime working. If they can't find a job, I will help them find a place to volunteer. Right now I assume that it's pretty easy to find volunteer work. They can volunteer at a pet shelter, the hospital, at their school, at a food bank, at the library, or many other places. Not only will volunteer work keep them busy, it will also help them to learn more about the world and society around them. They will also get fulfillment from doing something valuable with their summer hours. However, I will also teach them to self-advocate, so that once they have more skills that they will not settle for volunteer work with no pay but receive some sort of compensation.

I am also hoping to encourage them to shadow people who work in the profession(s) that they are interested in pursuing, and maybe even some that they don't have interest in (yet) to broaden their horizons and help them understand what it may be like to work in that particular profession.

Is there anything that you would add to my plan or concerns that you have about it? Let me know!

Joy

Recently, a friend said something that made me realize that she thinks that I am skilled at being joyful. I had never really thought about it like that before; I had just thought I was a naturally happy person. On further thought, though, I did realize that I do change my actions and thoughts to make my life happier and more joyful.

One thing that comes to mind is from when Levi was a baby. He was a very sad baby--I think he had reflux or something--and cried at the least provocation. He constantly was demanding my attention, and I had little time to do anything that wasn't with him. There was one point where when he napped, it was hardly ever more than 30 minutes at a time.

I was constantly frustrated with not being able to get things done. I was not experiencing very much joy; mostly I was experiencing a screaming child and not being able to do the things I wanted to do.

Finally, I took an honest look at my life. I knew I was frustrated, and I knew why. I finally said to myself, "Self, things are not going to change anytime soon. Self, what do you need to change about your expectations, and what do you need to change about your life to get the things done that you need to?"

My first change was my expectation about what I could get done during a 30-minute nap (not much). When I started expecting things that could realistically happen, I stopped being as frustrated about not being able to do the not-as-doable things that I expected to do before.

Another change was in my style of doing things. Previously, I did everything in big chunks. I set aside some time and "got 'er done!" After honestly looking at the time I had all at once, I knew that wasn't practical. I started teaching myself to do things piece by piece and to multitask. It has been a long process, let me tell you!

I saw immediate results. I didn't get as much done as I had before having a baby (surprise! haha), but I was able to get the things that needed to be done, done. The new way wasn't as efficient as the old way, but I was happier. Constant frustration was gone from my life (periodic frustration remained, of course), and nothing about my circumstances had changed.

Cecil: 10 months

Is Cecil really 10 months already??? It seems like it was just yesterday that he turned 9 months...

Welp, here are his latest and greatest!

• Only camel- and classic crawls. Does not army crawl any more. 
• Eats solid food 2-3 times a day (usually while I'm cooking or while the rest of the family is eating). He likes black beans, potatoes, and avocados, among others. He doesn't particularly like sweet potatoes.
• Stands for a second or two (this started today)!
• Puts everything in his mouth
• Still 24 lbs/24 month clothes
• Has SIX teeth! (and has since right before 9 months)
• Smiles easily
• Has climbed onto the fireplace and the steps
• Has fallen off of the fireplace and steps (he doesn't climb the steps anymore, yay!)
• Knows how to get around obstacles we put in his way
• Recognizes the phrases "are you hungry?" and "are you done?" He probably knows some others but I just haven't noticed them yet.
• Opens up cabinets and drawers to get to what's inside

Cecil is such an easygoing baby. He still always needs to burp after I feed him and will cry if I put him to bed without getting all the burps out. He doesn't complain about things that are bothering him unless they are REALLY bothering him. He likes riding in the stroller on walks and exploring the places we go. He likes to be around us more than he did before and will actively seek out company.

Cecil: 8 months

Today, Cecil started clapping! He just did it out of the blue--I didn't show him first. He did clap again after I clapped, though. Here are some other things that he's learned to do lately:

-army crawl. He started shortly after turning 7 months, and still does it now even though he knows how to do the more classic crawl
-classic crawl. This one started just before turning 8 months.
-camel crawl. He does this most when he's on a rough surface, like our deck or front walkway.
-eat some food. He doesn't do well with pureed food, but he does like the more solid things like cantaloupe, bananas, and those puffs they make just for babies.
-sits up from laying down or crawling with ease (he did this before he started crawling)
-wears size 24 mos clothes
-is not as chubby as he was
-has 2 teeth! (he's had them since around 7 months)
-he'll crawl to someone or something that he wants. This is perfect for melting a parent's heart and getting them to pick him up. He'll crawl over and just stare at the parent he wants to pick him up until we do so. He is irresistible!
-pulls up and will move along higher surfaces like the couch, fireplace, or steps.

Shortly after I took this picture, he had moved over to the baby enclosure we have close
by and was standing up even more than he is here.

Playing well together

Levi and Cecil get along pretty well. I think a big part of that is that Levi is a people person and really enjoys having other people around. I also think some things that I've done have helped.

Referring to Cecil as "your brother" to Levi has made a big difference. He likes the possessive, and in possession takes greater care.

Involving Cecil in play also makes a difference. Cecil can't really engage in Levi's play, but I'll tell Levi that Cecil is interested or make the toy I'm playing with react to things that Cecil does. Also, if I'm playing a game that could involve talking to another person, then I try to involve Cecil (e.g. the "Where's so-and-so game. "Cecil, do you know where Levi went??). I believe this teaches Levi that it's okay to play with Cecil and that he is a good playmate. 

Treating them both with love and respect in front of each other teaches them to also treat each other with love and respect. Acting like I value Levi's needs over Cecil's or vice versa makes them treat each other unequally as well. So much can be taught and learned by example.

They had so much fun playing this game.

Brother love

Levi does so many sweet things for Cecil.

The other day when I put Cecil down for a nap, I covered him--just his legs so he wouldn't get too hot--with a light blanket. Levi noticed and pulled the blanket up a little higher.

Today, Levi was running around and making a silly raspberry noise. Cecil thought it was pretty much the greatest thing ever, so when he got sad later on, Levi made the noise for him again. Cecil cheered right up!

Levi really likes making Cecil laugh. He will take over the games I'm playing with Cecil so that Cecil will play them with him.

Sometimes when we're driving around, I'll hear Cecil laugh. When I look in the rear-view mirror, Levi's there just looking at him. Cecil is pretty fond of his big brother, too!

The scariest thing about being a mom

The scariest thing about being a mom is the fear that I'll ruin my children's lives, that I'll give them lasting --but preventable!--psychological, emotional, or physical issues through ignorance or insufficient diligence.

It's kind of scary that I'm entrusted with these small children.

When I see my weaknesses reflected in them, I hope to teach them that I've done the very best I could, but I hope they improve on the way I raised them when they raise their own children. I hope I can give them the tools they need to be better parents than I have been.

I love them, and I hope that will be enough in the long run.

Playful Parenting: my review

This review is for the book Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen.

I really enjoyed reading and learning from this book. The only thing that really bothered me about it was that the author seemed to think that his way was the only good and proper way to raise children. Considering that my favorite parenting advice is, "read lots of parenting books, take what you like from them, and discard the rest," it's understandable that I don't agree with his disdain of other parenting methods. I think it's valuable to take concepts from several different parenting techniques and use what works best for your family. Going along with that, his section about discipline was a bit confusing. He said don't be harsh but also set limits for the kids. Maybe it's because I'm still new to the whole "playful parenting" thing, but using his methods for setting limits backfired for me, and it was like I hadn't set limits.

Now on to the good stuff! And there's a lot of good stuff.

The playful approach really does minimize or eliminate many conflicts. Here are some examples:

• We were reading scriptures together one night and Levi didn't want to read his verse. I got some of his toys to play out the situation and then he "helped" one of his toys to read the verse.
• Bedtime has been difficult some nights--he's been really clingy on those nights and doesn't want us to leave. Playing using the methods in this book during the day make bedtime easier at night.
• Levi is more affectionate and is more accepting of me comforting him when he's sad.

It has also helped me. One day I woke up with a headache and was just generally cranky all day. I wanted to yell and I only had enough patience for one kid at a time. Levi asked me to play with him, and I had one of the toys be grumpy like me. It was really therapeutic to let my feelings out, and playing them using these techniques was a good way to release those feelings without scaring Levi.

Using the strategies taught in the book has also made playing with Levi more fun than before. I think we both enjoy our time together more.

I really liked how the author focused on connection with children. I agree that a connected child is a happier and better-adjusted child. I also feel that a parent has better odds for passing on their values when they are connected to their children.

He focuses on children's need to be loved, and recognizes it as a very real thing. He also explains that they need to be told in many ways that they are loved.

I also really liked his focus on fathers being involved with their children and specific techniques to help fathers play effectively with their children, so that all can enjoy the play time.

He also encouraged parents to foster compassion in boys and independence in girls, with specific strategies for doing so.

__________________________


I highly recommend this book! 4.5 stars.

Future plans for being the coolest mom EVER!

Levi is right at the cusp of being able to play games and put together puzzles. It's been really fun working on those with him over the past month or so. Doing those things with him really makes me look forward to working on more complex puzzles and more interesting games as he, Cecil, and my future children get older.

I have visions of us being gathered around a card table working on a puzzle.

I see us playing Skip-bo, Phase 10, Uno, and Go Fish over and over again.

I'll teach them to love playing strategy games like Dominion, Settlers of Catan, and others.

We'll even get some sightseeing in--I think it would be really cool to line up a really nice weather day with a no test day in school, sign them out and go on a hike, have a picnic, or visit a museum. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Cecil's loves at 3 months

Cecil recently passed his 3-month mark. This is what he loves right now:

-cuddles
-watching his big brother
-interesting sounds
-listening to singing
-talking/conversation
-milk
-sucking on his hand or pacifier
-laying down to sleep (vs. being upright against momma or in any other way)